C h r y s a l i s ღ

The goal of fifteen hours a week is a worthy targe...

2012-02-08T17:33:54.902-08:00

The goal of fifteen hours a week is a worthy target, but definitely not intended to be law. :~D

FYI, during the height of our (very busy) child-rearing years, here's how we divided that number up.

Saturday date night: (7 - 12 PM)
= 5 hours
Wednesday date night: (7 - 12 PM)
= 5 hours
M, T, Th, Fri, Sun: 1/2 hour catch-up conversation after dinner = 2-1/2 hours
Misc errands throughout the week in 1/2 hour increments = 2-1/2 hours

Voila: 15 hours!

I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend my time with, and e-Dad feels the same way. We are blessed!

Great follow-up post. Well, my hubby and I are sp...

2012-02-08T16:47:37.383-08:00

Great follow-up post.

Well, my hubby and I are spending a little more than 15 hours a week together (since we our son moved on with his own life).

We do give each other some 'breathing' room; but most of our off-work time is spent together :)

I have to agree, I love spending time with my hubby. I am always happy when we are both home after a long day at work.

Marriage Monday Sisters: A warm thank you,...

2012-02-08T08:21:22.909-08:00

Marriage Monday Sisters:

A warm thank you, as always, to those of you who contributed to our Marriage Monday meme. Your posts contained a wealth of ideas for keeping the romance alive!

A few of the commenters had questions about the notion that couples should aim for about fifteen hours a week spending private time together.

Christian marriage counselor, Willard Harley PhD has written extensively about why he makes this recommendation. (e-Dad and I have been putting Harley's principle into practice for two decades, and we know it really works.)

You can read more at Dr. Harley's site, Marriage Builders.com.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5069_qa.html

FYI, I have posted a short quote on this topic from Harley's classic best-seller, His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage.

http://www.chrysaliscafe.com/2012/02/marriage-monday-follow-up.html

See you next time!

Hugs, e-Mom

Great follow-up article. I wrote along similar lin...

2012-02-08T07:38:25.876-08:00

Great follow-up article. I wrote along similar lines for my belated Marriage Monday post for Friday. I believe the URL will be http://juliearduini.com/2012/02/10/better-late-th…hy-in-marriage/.

I know we're tempted to be all or nothing, but like you, encourage couples to take a look at the statement and at least improve on the time they spend together. I know we have room to grow!

I think this ends up being a personal decision. Th...

2012-02-08T05:17:40.731-08:00

I think this ends up being a personal decision. There's no "3 Steps and a Program" solution that can be applied across the board to every marriage. 15 hours to some people, might seem smothering. My husband's personality is such that he needs quiet time and space to recharge his batteries. I understand that and am okay with that. He's a Godly man, it's not like he's going to a bar to re-energize!

I think we live in a world of extremes. People are either over zealous or else they need to work up SOME measure of enthusiasm. A healthy marriage is a continual work in progress. It's always evaluating what IS working and what ISN'T working. Something that worked 3 years ago may not necessarily work right now anymore.

How many times have we heard that overly used comparison of our marriage to a garden? We don't weed, water and fertilize once and think it will thrive from that point on. It needs ongoing nurturing.

We're not cookie-cutter human beings so the formula for a cookie-cutter marriage is unrealistic. The bottom line is it's all about taking the time and the energy to make it a priority and finding the balance that works in our individual marriages.

Dave and I are retiring in 5 years, 15 hours won't be a stretch for us at all!
Connie

Thank you so much for quoting me, what a pleasant ...

2012-02-07T08:20:12.309-08:00

Thank you so much for quoting me, what a pleasant surprise. I just got back in town so the linky might be closed, but I will post on Friday because it's a great topic.

I'm surprised and convicted by the 15 hour a week statement. We don't come close, and that's a shame. We did just go on vacation, just us, and it was wonderful. But already we're back to full time schedules and parenting. It's hard!

Great topic, and wonderful post.

Love the post! I talked about playing together as...

2012-02-07T06:26:54.087-08:00

Love the post! I talked about playing together as well. But, I'll be honest, we are happy with half an hour uninterrupted time once or twice a week. Guess that is just the season of life we are in right now.

Another helpful tips for me. As we're still ad...

2012-02-06T21:27:16.154-08:00

Another helpful tips for me. As we're still adjusting in our new workplace, we also need a room to grow in our married life. Once we get settled, we will think of going outdoors more regularly as we used to maybe weekends will suit us well.

Thanks so much for your encouraging post.

I love how you and your hubby create a list of thi...

2012-02-06T16:57:51.515-08:00

I love how you and your hubby create a list of things to do. I need to incorporate that into our marriage.

Maybe we need to move - lol...21 years in the desert can get a little old. But then again, were to go?

Thank you for hosting Marriage Monday; love the topic :)

Really enjoyed your post.

2012-02-06T12:52:00.356-08:00

Really enjoyed your post.

Love the idea of the list e-Mom, but I have to agr...

2012-02-06T11:39:03.292-08:00

Love the idea of the list e-Mom, but I have to agree with Tami and Cheri...I could never make 15 hour...I could dream though! I think its important that we work with what we've got and be realistic. Love Tami's answer...with all the different age dynamics (21, 19, 15 and 5) its not practical to even schedule a regular date, but we snuggle alot, talk more, hold hands and just connect. Someday we'll have more time, right now, we have a whole lot of love!

Love your idea of a list. My man and I always say...

2012-02-06T09:55:48.778-08:00

Love your idea of a list. My man and I always say the best dates cost very little but had lots of talking and laughing together.

I'm glad Tami said it for me: 15 hours a week?...

2012-02-06T07:33:57.667-08:00

I'm glad Tami said it for me: 15 hours a week?!? We're empty-nesters, but still, that's 3 hours a day during the workweek or 2 full days on the weekend.

(I will definitely pray over how I can incorporate this wisdom into our relationship...I don't mean to sound resistant!)

Since we live and teach on a Christian boarding school campus, we interact a lot throughout each day. We get up and exercise together. We come home and eat lunch together. We have "grading parties" and "lesson planning parties" at the dining room table in the evening.

While I'm sure some would say that we need better boundaries -- "no bringing work home!" -- we feel fortunate that our lives are not compartmentalized. We are blessed to live our callings, our ministries, 24/7.

We do start each summer break with a weekend away, just the two of us, to "reset" our relationship from school year mode to vacation mode.

Great list! We love spending time alone, but some...

2012-02-06T06:47:07.267-08:00

Great list! We love spending time alone, but some weeks it's just not possible. So we try to get in as much time as we can. He always calls me at lunch time each day. I try to keep that time available for him. We also work together to make dinner in the evenings. It's a great time to catch up on our days.

Hope you have a great Monday!

Ok, I'm just gonna say it. 15 hours of play ti...

2012-02-06T06:02:59.764-08:00

Ok, I'm just gonna say it. 15 hours of play time a week?! Are you kidding me? We'd have to sacrifice sleep to get that! We are dedicated to "keeping the love alive," but there's no way we could do 15 hours. We have a standing lunch date, go on coffee dates on his days off, go out for a "real date" once a month and get away for a weekend a few times a year, but 15 hours a week? You rocked my world with that, e-Mom. We work together often, and it can be fun, but I wouldn't call it PLAY time. It would be awesome, but seems very unrealistic, especially while raising a family and traipsing all over for their activities. Instead, I focus on the little moments we share every day, like a knowing look at choir practice or attempting yoga together or a quiet talk as we fall asleep or holding hands while going to parent-teacher conferences. Appreciating the little every day things is what puts vitality in our marriage.

What a beautiful and intriguing place to live and ...

2012-02-06T05:48:11.539-08:00

What a beautiful and intriguing place to live and spice up your marriage! And the nice thing about Arizona is that you aren't confined to the indoors most of the time.

Thanks for sharing your "list" idea and all the other tidbits of wisdom from your 30+ years on keeping boredom at bay. :)

I totally relate to being outdoors. Dave and I lov...

2012-02-06T05:35:55.329-08:00

I totally relate to being outdoors. Dave and I love hiking and being in God's creation. One thing that works great for us is that he has a passion for photography. I will go out with him while it's still dark outside with a blanket and a book because we could be there for a couple of hours waiting for the sun to be just right. I read, relax, oak up the sights, he clicks away and later we relive our wonderful memories through his still photographs. I think as a society, we have lost the ability to play. Playing together has been foundational for us in building the intimacy level in our marriage!
Connie

Well wonderful post...I have to confess we are stu...

2012-02-06T04:49:25.017-08:00

Well wonderful post...I have to confess we are stuck in the boredom and apathy phase right now...we could use some shaking up.

Now between basketball and baseball games, and seven day work schedule...maybe 2 am will work. LOL

We meed to get more creative...but we seem to be tooooooooo tired these days. LOL

Great post...thanks for the encouragement.

yours is long like mine!i do wanna read your whole...

2012-02-06T04:15:06.777-08:00

yours is long like mine!i do wanna read your whole post so will see you back here later tonite, after work, the dance run, dinner, etc.!

e-Mom this is one that's very close to my hear...

2012-02-05T11:46:51.763-08:00

e-Mom this is one that's very close to my heart. Looking forward to reading and sharing. god bless!

well we're gonna celebrate 22 yrs in June so.....

2012-02-04T13:15:42.224-08:00

well we're gonna celebrate 22 yrs in June so....i'll take tomorrow to think on what to write...we do have some ideas that is keeping our marriage/friendship "fresh" so....looking forward to reading everyone's ideas!! great topic...

Great topic; been there and I think we have found ...

2012-02-04T07:27:33.138-08:00

Great topic; been there and I think we have found something that still keeps our marriage 'fresh' after almost 29 years.

Via Facebook, Denise said... Sounds like a...

2012-02-03T09:45:58.161-08:00

Via Facebook, Denise said...

Sounds like a great topic.

Glad I have the weekend to mull this one over. Loo...

2012-02-03T07:50:33.250-08:00

Glad I have the weekend to mull this one over. Looking forward to reading what we all come up with! :-)

Guess I'll just read the posts of others...sin...

2012-02-03T06:35:43.843-08:00

Guess I'll just read the posts of others...since I haven't been married 10 years and am currently in the thick of no time and no money!