Comments on C h r y s a l i s ღ: How to Deal With Difficult In-Laws

Marriage Monday Sisters: Thank you for your...

2011-11-08T20:21:56.306-08:00

Marriage Monday Sisters: Thank you for your thoughtful comments! I've sent personal replies to those of you whose email addresses were included with your comment.

(If you're using Blogger, and would like a personal reply in the future, you can enable your email in the Profile page of your account.)

This was an emotionally charged subject--more so than I expected--and I hope you have found our discussion helpful and encouraging.

If you are suffering more pain in your in-law relationships than seems tolerable, don't hesitate to seek the support of a caring professional.

Hugs 'n Blessings,

e-Mom ღ

hi emom...i lost your email address! so am commen...

2011-11-08T18:35:45.713-08:00

hi emom...i lost your email address! so am commenting on your comment regarding the heaven book. yes....what he saw and describes matches what Scriptures talk about. this is why his dad shared the story. it's for real.

I so love and appreciate your G.R.A.C.E. acronym t...

2011-11-08T09:01:23.162-08:00

I so love and appreciate your G.R.A.C.E. acronym today. Not only can we apply these principles to the hurt one may be dealing with in regards to in-laws, but are so good to apply to any situation of hurt.

Thanks so much!

Mac makes a good point - people hurt us and it cau...

2011-11-07T16:59:37.090-08:00

Mac makes a good point - people hurt us and it causes strife - and maybe because it is in family where we expect to be loved, to be reached for, to be welcomed that it is surprising when it isn't that way - and it hurts because God gave them to us for family.

I think the key is to strive to be Christ-like - i.e. forgiving, pursuing, never giving up - and that might mean crying in a closet because of heart hurts - but maybe God gave us these family members He knew we had what they need to bring them to Him.

I'm a never-give-up-optimist - and I have the heart bruises to show it! LOL

"As women, God has wired us to find our fulfi...

2011-11-07T13:54:27.388-08:00

"As women, God has wired us to find our fulfillment and joy in happy, satisfying relationships—especially with family members. Our deepest pain comes when there is disharmony amongst those who are closest to us. I hurt for you."

I appreciated this piece of info. I knew I couldn't be unique but haven't really discused how painful it is when family relationships are fractured with anyone at great length. For me it wasn't inlaws but a sibling and I still can't believe the pain to my core that the strife caused.

Wow that's quite a mom in law story! I am bles...

2011-11-07T13:37:54.857-08:00

Wow that's quite a mom in law story!
I am blessed to have the mother in law I do and she's not even a Christian!! Just curious: are your Q and A's made up or are they based on real people in counseling situations?? just very curious...they always seem like a textbook situation to me....you know...for Christian counseling....or are these people you actually know and help? I feel soooo bad for that woman if it's a real situation! I LOVE the GRACE thing...so helpful..I"m gonna use that for the moms in my small group! thanks for your post!!

E-mom I am so sorry that I am now commenting. I po...

2011-11-07T13:16:45.339-08:00

E-mom I am so sorry that I am now commenting. I posted and Chuck infomrmed me that we had to leave! I love your GRACE- those steps really do work!
Thanks for hosting!

So very sad.

2011-11-07T12:13:54.999-08:00

So very sad.

Oh can't get one written today...but I can say...

2011-11-07T09:46:12.453-08:00

Oh can't get one written today...but I can say I have plenty of horror stories in this area...but then there is God. I chose to honor...and in so doing I stood beside my 96 year old mother-in-law this last weekend...who is now my GREATEST FAN and could love her for her part in my husband's life, my own life and her grandchildren's.

I am now the in-law...and it isn't as easy as it looks!! It is hard.

Via email Anonymous said... Just read your...

2011-11-07T09:24:26.812-08:00

Via email Anonymous said...

Just read your blog on in-laws, and would like for you to give me your insight on my situation as it is very complicated and has reached its breaking point in my marriage...

Would appreciate your insight and prayers.

Via email, Anonymous said... I'm achin...

2011-11-07T09:18:54.006-08:00

Via email, Anonymous said...

I'm aching to write on this week's subject at Marriage Monday, but after much prayer I know I can't. ... I could cause a lot of hurt by sharing any more than I did when we covered this topic on Marriage Monday last time - and the person I would hurt the most is the one I love the most, so I'm going to have to pass.

It is so difficult to remember to react in grace a...

2011-11-07T08:15:52.034-08:00

It is so difficult to remember to react in grace and not spite sometimes. It takes humbling yourself and that isn't easy...especially when you feel like you were wronged. But it is so important. Thanks for that great advice! And I'm glad I was finally able to participate in Marriage Monday again!

A quick addendum to my post: The Ten Commandment...

2011-11-07T08:07:04.639-08:00

A quick addendum to my post:

The Ten Commandments contain the secret to longevity. Anyone who wants to live a long life on this earth can claim God’s promise:

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12 ESV)

The quality of relationships we enjoy with our mother and father—more than any other relationships—directly impacts our health and ability to age well.

Counselors know that injuries we carry from childhood into adulthood must be forgiven. Some wounds are so deep that we must get professional help to move past them.

I suspect the relationships we enjoy (or don’t enjoy) with our in-laws carries a similar but lesser emotional charge.

God’s Word clearly teaches that if we have an offense against anyone AND if anyone has an offense against us, we must go to them. (Matt 6:14, Matt 5:23-24) The responsibility to rebuild a damaged heart connection resides with you and me. And that’s empowering!

Prayer over a difficult situation is always in order, but there comes a time when we must step out in faith and act. Today, I challenge you to initiate a positive move of love toward the in-law with whom you’re in the most conflict.

May you be abundantly blessed and live a very long life, sweet sister!

Warm hugs,

e-Mom ღ

I have been extremely blessed by wonderful in-laws...

2011-11-07T07:40:22.551-08:00

I have been extremely blessed by wonderful in-laws. I watched my sister's first marriage ruined by her mother-in-law, who sounded amazingly like the one above, so I know how tough it can be.

Sheesh.... and I thought I had some tough in-laws....

2011-11-07T07:14:10.460-08:00

Sheesh.... and I thought I had some tough in-laws. Wow, they are wonderful in comparison.

Great post and love the acronym. Hugging you e-Mom have a great day. Lynn

Oh, how I wish I'd had a Godly mentor like you...

2011-11-07T06:18:06.641-08:00

Oh, how I wish I'd had a Godly mentor like you 25 years ago!

We married so young -- I was the first of my friends to marry and have children by at least five years -- that I lost my circle of girlfriends. Since my husband was the youth pastor and I was a church school teacher, I didn't reach out to any of the older women in the church; I felt like I had an "image" to keep up. I was completely isolated.

Your G.R.A.C.E. principles are wonderful for healing any relationship. I have been especially negligent with "C". I look forward to reading everyone's blogs today and hearing the Holy Spirit convict me through them!

I wholeheartedly agree! Grace from the abundant so...

2011-11-07T05:56:38.511-08:00

I wholeheartedly agree! Grace from the abundant source of grace, our Heavenly Father, is the only way to win this mother-in-law's heart. It's not an easy road, so I will pray for her long, hard journey!

I agree with your point that the MIL (Mother-in-La...

2011-11-07T05:48:40.452-08:00

I agree with your point that the MIL (Mother-in-Law) might have some unresolved conflicts that's why she's dumping out her garbage to the people around her especially to those whom she thinks are her competitors. It's a similar case to the MIL (Monster-in-Law) in my post from the movie. Viola is suffering from her loss of TV show so losing her only son to marriage with a woman she feels not worthy enough for her famous doctor son is another big loss for her next to her lost job.
And you're right in saying that by being more understanding of what the MIL is going through, not taking things personally, the DIL might get healed and can move on without grieving over the situation. Since she can't control her MIL, it's only her reactions toward the situation she can have full control of.

Thank you for this topic e-Mom. God bless.

Hopefully time (and patience) will heal these woun...

2011-11-07T05:04:32.716-08:00

Hopefully time (and patience) will heal these wounds. I can't imagine how hard that must be for the husband/son.

What a truly sad situation for this young bride! I...

2011-11-07T04:48:05.213-08:00

What a truly sad situation for this young bride! I think that you have given her wonderful advice e-Mom and I pray and hope her situation improves. I do believe if she applies the principles you have given her things will get better in the future. It may take a while, but I think if she and her husband remain united in this the mother in law will come around.

God's blessings to you and your family!