How Marriage Works:
21 Secrets Every Couple Needs to Know
Secret #15: Understanding our gifts reduces conflict, and creates success in love and work.
Q. I've noticed that I'm very different from my girlfriends. But my husband is definitely "all boy" like his buddies. Why am I more like him?
- It is interesting … because sometimes I do not think like a woman ... yikes. 1) I'm more competitive :) 2) My brain is focused on work and church and I go home to rest ... and worry less about homemaking tasks (am I bad) lol, my house is not a major mess but I would rather sit and read or write over doing the dishes or laundry. :) I struggle in not being a miss susie homemaker ... if I had more time maybe I would - but really my thoughts are ministry before home. … I also do not 'need' a lot of female interaction, I'm good with my own company and with my man.—Shelley
- We definitely have different interests. For example, he likes to travel -- internationally, even. I'm a homebody, but it's not just that I don't want to travel -- every time I do I spend hours in the bathroom, to put it delicately.—BarbaraH
A. We are fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14) When a couple gets married, they're given a lifetime to unwrap the most wonderful gift of all ... each other!
- First, think of Male and Female as two polarities. Classic gender differences tend to show up in marriage when we're under stress. You can read about the general characteristics of male and female here.
- However, as you've observed, women don't all share the same interests. For example, like biblical Mary, many women prefer a quiet contemplative life, with less social contact. Similarly, only a portion of women truly love domesticity like her sister Martha. In the same way, some men excel in deep study, caring very little about big salaries or big adventure outside their offices.
- We were Gifted Before Birth
- That's because each of us is gifted by God before birth. (Not to be confused with the supernatural gifts Christians receive after salvation.) In terms of personality, all of us actually fall somewhere along a broad continuum that stretches between the two poles of male and female.
- These tendencies are hard-wired into our brains. They are the direct result of varying amounts of sex hormones we were exposed to in our mother's womb. According to Scripture, we are “flavored” or gifted by grace in the direction of God's own choosing.
We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.
If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully. (Rom 12:6-8 NIV)
Authors Don and Katie Fortune do a masterful job of explaining the characteristics of the seven Biblical motivational gifts in, Discover Your God-Given Gifts.
This is one of my all-time favorite books, and I highly recommend it.
The Fortune’s easy self-tests help readers discover which of the seven Biblical “personality types” best describes them. The gifts are variously bestowed upon male and female alike, and each gift is of equal value.
Scripture teaches that there are two distinctions within the motivational gifts, speaking gifts and serving gifts (1 Pet 4:11). We are commanded to use our gift to benefit others, for it was designed by the Creator to overflow from us to those around us.
Summary of the Seven Biblical Gifts
Four SPEAKING Gifts
1. Perceiver — Declares the will of God. Also called Prophet.
2. Teacher — Researches and teaches the Bible.
3. Exhorter — Encourages personal growth. Also called Encourager.
4. Administrator — Gives leadership & direction. Also called Leader.
Three SERVING Gifts
5. Compassion — Provides emotional support. Also called Mercy.
6. Server — Offers practical service.
7. Giver — Shares financial assistance. Also called Contributor.
Note: Scripture teaches that there is a particular limitation on a woman's use of her leadership gifts in the church. Curious about that? Click here.
Joy is the By-Product
"The best way to measure whether or not you are operating in the sphere of your motivational gift is to take this simple test: Are you joyful? Joy is the by-product of operating in your motivational gift. Frustration is the by-product of trying to operate outside it. Joy is always a byproduct of what is in the will of God for you. Joy can never be sought as a goal or an end in itself. But as you function in the giftedness that God has given you, you will have joy."—Discover Your God-Given Gifts, The Fortunes.
Photos: MatthewandTracie, AlexDram, INIJIE and svacher(Flickr)
This post is linked at Time Warp Wife's Titus2Tuesdays
• Group Topic: "Our God-Given Gifts" If you would like to link a post today, take a minute to read the introduction to today's topic.
• Comment Policy. Don't forget to leave a brief comment! BTW, you might have strong feelings about this post. As a courtesy to others, please refrain from expressing them here, especially for the sake of those who might be new. This is your chance to blog your heart out, Sister!
• Test Your Link. You’re welcome to add your link any time up until eleven PM MT on Wednesday. Please include a text link back to Chrysalis, or you can use one of these graphic buttons instead.
• If you're new at Chrysalis, welcome! Please accept my invitation to join our Marriage Monday community. You might want to read an introduction to this Blog Hop and find out how to join the Marriage Monday Blog List.
Thanks for linking at Chrysalis today, sweet Sister!