Welcome to Marriage Monday!
How Marriage Works:
21 Secrets Every Couple Needs to Know
Secret #14: Appreciating each other's strengths creates positive marriage synergy.
Q. Can two human beings who deeply love each other really be that different in their approach to life?
"...as far as our own marriage struggles over the years, I'd have to say communication has been one of the biggest challenges. We are doing so much better these days but it has not always been so. It took a lot of learning along the way, with help from seminars like Love and Respect and others to help us understand why each of us sometimes weren't always communicating effectively."—Tammy
"Our frustrations? Communication: Me: 'Quit yelling at me!' Him: 'I'm not yelling, this is just how I talk!' Money and Priorities: Me: 'Glad you bought a brand new fancy camera, but I really wanted a refrigerator.' Him: 'I'm not buying a new refrigerator until I can afford exactly what I want and I won't buy it on credit.'"—Jennifer in OR
A. Yes they can. Loving couples need to negotiate about many areas of their marriage. Some experts say that communication, money, and sex are the areas of greatest conflict. But why?
First, let's keep in mind that although we're two different genders, we're not two different species. Both genders come equipped with a similar range of aptitudes and abilities. It's possible to see things from your spouse's point of view, even though you might not entirely agree.
Unfortunately, it's stress that sends marriage partners to opposite corners of the ring. That's often when mutual understanding flies out the window, and each spouse comes out swinging. You can learn more about how to "get off the crazy cycle" and achieve better communication in marriage here. For information about how spouses tend to view money in marriage click here. If sex is an issue between you, click here.
Even when good feelings between you abound and your marriage is going smoothly, you've probably noticed that your husband prioritizes life differently than you do. To that we say, viva la difference! God has uniquely hard-wired men and women and for good reasons, as you will see in the summary below.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up ... Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?
(Ecc 4:9-11 NIV)
Thirteen Differences Between the Sexes
Studies have proven that gender differences are neurological, hormonal, and genetic in origin. They are highly resistant to change by the influences of culture. This is true of men and women around the globe. The sexes are equal but different.
self-esteem gets a boost from these expressions of love and caring.
5. Sexual arousal: Men respond to visual stimulation, caring less about the romantic component or personal identity. Men can more easily separate love and sex. Women are usually not attracted by a photo of an unknown model or by a handsome stranger, but to the touch of a particular man with whom she has entered into an personal relationship. Women prefer to combine romance and sex.
6. Men do not have as strong a desire and need for stability, security and enduring relationships as women do.
In a time of crisis, women tend to react with reference to their feelings. Men tend not to react with reference to feelings but with deducted thought and reason.
7. Women experience emotional influences that men do not because of the hormones associated with their reproductive cycles: e.g. pregnancy, lactation, and menopause.
8. The play habits of young girls is almost exclusively in real life domestic situations, playing house, school and so on. In contrast, young boy's play is usually in the fantasy world, heroically blasting Martians with lasers to save the world.
9. School: Boys tend to excel over girls in math and science subjects. Girls tend to excel over boys in English and arts subjects.
10. In a time of crisis, women tend to react with reference to their feelings. They become more verbal and feel need to "vent" about their problems with an empathetic listener. Men tend not to react with reference to their feelings but with deducted thought and reason. They become less verbal, while feeling the need to retreat into their "man-cave" to solve the problem alone.
12. Our materialistic society places a higher value on the ability to be rational in the face of stress—a quality which is necessary for providing financial stability for the family. Yet this quality is of little value for happiness inside the home. So while men may be better equipped support the family, women are better equipped to keep the family emotionally healthy.
• Waffles & Spaghetti: "The Glory of Chrisian Marriage"
• Affair-Proof Your Marriage: His Needs are Not Her Needs
• Why Your Husband (Sometimes) Acts Like Attila the Hun
• Communication: Six Fundamentals of Love & Respect
• Friendship in Christian Marriage
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