A Question for You ...
This summer, one of my Boomer peers in the blogosphere, Barbara H. (Stray Thoughts) wrote me and asked a question about mentoring younger Christian women. Since everyone of us is older than
someone, her question is applicable to Christian women of all ages.
Whether you are 25 or 55, there are plenty of sweet young ladies who crave your time, biblical wisdom, and encouragement. (If you're an empty-nester, you know there's plenty of mothering still to do!) I'm going to let you eavesdrop on part of our email conversation.
And then, please share your own thoughts in response to Barbara's question: How do you as an "older woman" guide erring younger women/Moms gracefully?
By the way, if you're a younger Mom, please share what you expect and hope for from the older spiritual mothers in your life.
Conversation Between Barbara H & e-MomHi e-Mom,
I have a question I've been pondering and I thought I'd toss it out as a potential idea for a Marriage Monday or other discussion on your blog.
We know that as older women we're supposed to teach the younger, and many young women say they really want that. I know sometimes that takes the form of books, articles, devotionals, even blog posts, etc.
But I think a lot of it was meant to take place in the course of every day life as we interact with each other.
(
I wrote a blog post about this here.)
So my question is, what do you do when you see a young woman being unsubmissive to her husband—going toe to toe and insisting he do what she wants when he has already said he wants to do something different. Or a young mom failing to discipline her child or making threats the child knows full well she won't keep, etc. I'm actually a bit more sympathetic to the young mom issue because I know it is awkward when a child acts out in front of others and she may not want to discipline then.
I know if/when we say anything it should only be with the greatest gentleness and in the Lord's leading and not in the heat of the moment. But it seems like instruction in those moments would be taken as being a busybody. And when it comes to a daughter-in-law, it seems like it would come across as "taking sides" with a son to say something to her about an incident when she wasn't submissive, besides seeming "meddling." My general stance is not to say anything unless asked. But I don't know if that's right.
That's why I thought it might make for an interesting conversation both among older women as they share their responses and among younger women as they share how they'd like or dislike an older woman's help in such situations. But it's just an idea—if you don't think it is a good one. I understand perfectly.
Barbara H. @ Stray Thoughts
(Hostess of wonderful "The Week in Words" Monday Meme)
Hi Barbarah H!What a good topic—how do we as "older women" guide erring younger women/Moms gracefully?Honestly, I don't have a much experience to draw from,
mostly because my ministry to younger ladies is in the form of the written word, through blogging. And eventually I hope to expand that to include e-books and Bible studies. I think of my instruction as a "pro-active" teaching ministry—rather than "remedial" or counseling.
My primary goal is to nip potential problems in the bud, hopefully to avert much bigger problems down the road.
But of course, bigger problems do occur. I've discovered that blogging (and Marriage Monday) are very serious ministry, and it can be a heavy responsibility.For example, about twice/month a deeply hurting woman contacts me asking for comfort and counsel by email. After offering my best answer,
I always encourage her to meet with her local pastor or a professional therapist to seek face-to-face advice. You're SO right, the best mentoring/counseling is done by someone "with skin on" and who can offer longer term follow-up.
Like you, I tread very carefully when I run into real life situations that require a loving "rebuke." It seems there is always underlying unresolved anger, which is causing the person to "act out." The adage "hurting people hurt others" seems true in most cases, and sympathy toward the erring sister can go a long way to winning their trust.
Once they trust me, then I feel more free to speak up, especially when they haven't asked for my advice. Then my thoughts are usually well-received. But that takes time, and lots of it.
By the way, I've discovered it's nearly impossible to correct erring Christian Boomer peers on the subject of submission. The Lord knows that "older to the younger" works best. I've found out that there's good reason for that particular biblical mandate!
I'm learning to keep my mouth closed with my girlfriends, and let the Lord bring someone older into their lives. Perhaps you've experienced the same kind of resistance from your peers too!
I guess the short answer to your question would be to
build a relationship of trust with any younger woman (especially a daughter-in-law) who needs correction. Then I'm sure she'll receive whatever counsel you might have to offer as
positive words of concern, rather than as criticism.
God bless you for your interest in younger Moms. I've noticed that you're truly a mature Titus 2 Christian woman, and I encourage you to move forward in your calling as a mentor—especially in-real-life!
Warm hugs,
e-Mom ღ (Complete Bio) Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (Titus 2:3-5 NIV)
Related: Marriage Monday: How to Deal with Difficult In-LawsPhotos: pixieclipx (1 & 4) djking (2) & Susan NYC (3)(
Flickr)
Up Next—Christian Hospitality
How do you as an "older woman" guide erring younger women gracefully?
