Advice from a Marriage & Family Expert
Time! We all have too little of it! (Or so it seems.)
Stepping back a minute from the holiday crush, I wanted to focus on the bigger picture, and how time pressures can lead to a downward spiral in our marriages. Fortunately, there's something we can do to prevent a complete implosion.
The following excerpt was taken from an interview with former president of Focus on the Family, Dr. James Dobson. Published in an article, "The Family in Crisis" in August 2001, Dobson's thoughts are just as relevant today as they were 10 years ago.
Q. If you had to indicate the one factor that has done more damage to families than any other, what would it be?
A. It would be the almost universal condition of fatigue and time pressure, which leaves every member of the family exhausted and harried. Many of them have nothing left to invest in their marriages or in the nurturing of children. Fifty-nine percent of boys and girls come home to empty houses every afternoon, during which anything can happen.
I believe the two-career family during the child rearing years creates a level of stress that is tearing people apart.
This hurried lifestyle puts great pressure on women. Many of them are trapped in a chaotic world that constantly threatens to overwhelm them. Some of these young women grew up in busy, dysfunctional, career-oriented households, and they want something better for their kids. And yet financial pressures and the expectations of others keep them on a treadmill that renders them unable to cope. I have never said publicly what I will share now—and I will be criticized for saying so in this context—but I believe the two-career family during the child rearing years creates a level of stress that is tearing people apart. And it often deprives children of something that they will search for the rest of their lives.
If a scale-back from this lifestyle, which I call "routine panic," ever grows into a movement, it will portend wonderfully for the family. It should result in fewer divorces and more domestic harmony. Children will regain the status they deserve and their welfare will be enhanced on a thousand fronts. We haven't begun to approach these goals yet, but I pray that a significant segment of the population will awaken someday from the nightmare of overcommitment and say, "The way we live is crazy. There has to be a better way than this to raise our kids. We will make the financial sacrifices necessary to slow the pace of living."
For a much longer excerpt from this interview, take a minute to read my article, "Christian Marriage: Workaholism & Divorce."
Related: Living With Less so Your Family Has More
"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." (Pslam 90:12 ESV)
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• Test Your Link. You’re welcome to add your link any time up until eleven PM on Wednesday. Please include a text link back to Chrysalis, or you can use one of these graphic buttons instead. Remember to click your link to make sure it works correctly. And don't forget to leave me a comment!
• If you're new at Chrysalis, welcome! Please accept my invitation to join our Marriage Monday community. You might want to read an introduction to this Blog Hop and find out how to join the Marriage Monday Blog List. Thanks for linking at Chrysalis today, sweet sister.
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12 Comments:
Thanks for sharing.
I've been suffering fatigue and time pressure these days so your post is so timely. I don't know but I'm feeling burnt out with my job and somehow, I'm affecting my home, too. Perhaps I need a break to sort things out.
Thank you for the reminder to live with less so that our family has more.
Great post, and so true. WTG saying the hard things! I tried to link up but my link isn't there so maybe I'll check back later. :)
AMEN! And...even though I'm home and only working p/t...I'm still learning to slow the pace! Blessings and thanks for hosting!
Jobs aren't the only culprit bringing stress. We also need to look at our activities. We are not a two career family and yet there are times I feel the routine panic you describe here because I'm overcommitted.
Well I have done all three roles. I've been a full time working mom with a toddler in day care (THAT only lasted the 10 mo school year! hated having her in daycare and it was a GOOD one!). Stayed home full time for six years and loved it BUT discovered that ministries were now like full time jobs so learned to say NO loud and clear for the sake of my family. it was hard but necessary. and we learned to live in NYS (HIGHEST TAXES outside of CA) on one income while paying back undergrad loans...so yes...it can be done. And then i taught part time every day and stayed home the rest of the day. LOVED That. And now i'm back to being a TA full time and although one is in college and one is in junior high....I do feel rushed often. it is easier now that they are older and one is out of the house for the school year. plus i have my summers off. BUT...i will confess to you that taking this new full time position was NOT covered much in prayer...it was too rash a decision and if i had prayed about it more and actually WITH my husband (he was just thinking extra $$ for the college bills), I would still be doing the part time role. sorry this is long. For those of you with young children, STAY HOME if you can.....if you really can live on one income. I did...and it was worth it.
I've been blessed to stay at home and work part time 2 days a week teaching at a university (not teaching right now) - I think the Proverbs 31 woman describes a well-balanced woman who "buys and sells land" - it shows that woman need to develop all the gifts within them that contribute to the family in a positive way - either through volunteerism or something that earns some money.
'nice A' can I respond to your comment? Be encouraged that slowing down will help you and put your fatigue in Christ's hands. You are important to your loved ones so find what you have to do and do it. I just got diagnosed with a fatigue condition after years of barely making it through each day and so this isn't uncommon to women whither a condition or not. Be blessed and praying you find needed rest!
So much of life wants to steal our time by producing insanity and days that disappear before we plant our feet for the day. Often activities and work and generally good things are the culprit and we have to admit they are just not good things for us and our families. It is hard to stop it all, you will be judged... you will be rewarded greatly in the end though... embrace time ladies! Christ has gifted it to us to learn to love him and those around us so go for it, LOVE!
Great post! I think financial struggles with time pressure are two of the hardest things on marriage. I think we all could learn from cutting back, which might allow our children to become assets and not deficits like they seem to be now days...we work to give them things, they don't work to help out at home...too child centered society, which takes from the things that are the most important.
Great post...
I wholeheartedly agree with Dr. Dobson. Often this is difficult to do, however, with the economic crisis our nation is facing. I also feel that there's a push to get our kids involved in too many activities. We've always tried to limit our kids activities to one per kid per season. Great thoughts. Thanks for sharing and hosting!
Denise, NiceA, Christine, Dawn, Tami, Faith, BlueCottonMemory, Mac an Rothaich, Janette & Beth: Thank you for your thoughts! This was a helpful discussion. May we all find the right level of activity in our lives. Stress is the enemy of vibrant good health.
I have sent personal replies to those of you who left your email address with your comments.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Hugs, e-Mom ღ
Thanks for your post - I am completely in aggreement! Yes, the financial pressures of a single-income family are great - it can be tough at times watching our friends and family give their children opportunities we may never be able to give our children - but I know in my heart that the rewards of being home with my children and available for my husband to be his help-meet will be greater and longer lasting than all the 'stuff' and 'things to do'. I only pray for God's grace and strength to help us during our times of need, in the same way He meets our needs in times of plenty.
Be blessed.
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