Moving Past the Pain of Infertility

Welcome to Marriage Monday

How Marriage Works:
21 Secrets Every Couple Needs to Know

Secret #6: Moving Past the Pain of Infertility

Q. Up till now, we have not been able to conceive a child. I think that for us, the hardest thing is the “unknown” part of God's plan. Do we wait around for his “perfect timing” or do we do everything in our power to make it happen?

“I am going to be 38 in December and Rob will be 42 in November… I am still having to work since Rob is finishing a degree and we need the extra income. My life's desire (my Psalm 37:4) is to stay at home and answer to no one but God and my husband (no more corporate life). However, we are still reliant on that income and the stress of my job feels as if it's consuming me (healthcare administration/management). I also feel that the stress may be the contributing factor that we haven't conceived yet.

In all of this, we both love the Lord more than anything. He is our first love. We know that He is God and God alone. We know that He has a divine plan that is better than anything that our fleshly imaginations can conceive. But, it has really been hard to be ‘in the waiting’. The unknown has been overwhelming to both of us, sometimes to the point that it has caused arguments. However, the Lord always gently reminds us that He is in control. I know (and so does he) that we will be blessed for the waiting.”—Wife of Rob at A Pair of Bartletts

A. Ouch. I've heard that waiting to conceive a child is very difficult. Your attitude is SO faith-filled and no doubt gets you through some rough days. There are lots of options for couples who can't conceive a child. Perhaps you're praying about adoption or other medical treatments for infertility. God bless you!

Many Women Suffer in Silence

Would-be parents who have tried unsuccessfully to conceive a child (or who have miscarried) can scarcely get their minds around the idea that someone would choose to abort their unborn fetus. Even non-abortive birth control methods can seem unnatural to parents who long to have a baby.

Many infertile women grieve in silence, and feel cheated out of one of life’s so-called “givens.” Bearing children seems as much a part of our DNA as breathing. Unfortunately, marriages can suffer severe damage, and when one partner blames the other, divorce can ensue. Don’t let that happen to you!

Biblical Examples of Infertility

Have you ever noticed that many of the Old Testament matriarchs were barren before miraculously conceiving a child? The roster of infertile couples is long: recall Abraham’s wife Sarah, and Samuel’s mother Hannah. So you are not alone. In the OT it was a considered a disgrace to be childless, but in the NT God places a higher value on producing spiritual offspring.
(Gal 4:24-32)

Through fervent prayer, our Lord is certainly capable of producing a miracle in your life, as he did in the lives of many biblical figures. But He may choose instead to delay conception for his own good purposes—as he did with Hannah. (1 Sam 1:6-24)

Our Family Planning

I admit, I'm not the best candidate to speak from personal experience on this topic. My husband and I married right after college and we chose to wait five years before starting a family. Shortly after my super-natural healing from cancer, we made our decision to start trying, and it was a “go” right away. Our daughter was born in June, and then—precisely three years later—I gave birth to our son.

In fact, our family plan was so tightly scheduled, that my obstetrician gave me the exact same due date for both babies! Fortunately, our daughter arrived a little early, so our kids don’t share the same birthday. But every year, early summer has been a busy season of celebration in our household. And we give God all the glory.



Five Ways to Be Proactive, Even as You Wait on God

Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. (Phil 2:12b-13 NIV)

We must remember that in God’s economy, the spiritual always trumps the physical. If you are experiencing a season of infertility in your life, keep in mind that:

1. You can cooperate with God today, by bringing a harvest of new believers into the kingdom through your faithful witness. Your spiritual offspring can be as numerous as the stars in the sky. If you do bear physical children in time, remember that God will hold you accountable for their spiritual development (Mal 2:15).

2. You can pray. Assemble a team of dedicated prayer warriors. Not all Christians are called to intercede for needs like yours, but there are many people who do want to support you. Find them. Let them know you want to add their faith to yours.

3. You may need to forgive someone. Bear in mind that our physical health and our fertility is directly connected to our spiritual state. Ask the Lord to reveal how you’ve been sinned against and then buried your bitterness. We are not responsible FOR our injuries, but we are responsible TO them. According to Scripture, we must take positive steps to offer (and receive) forgiveness for our offenses.

4. There are countless orphans waiting to be adopted around the globe. And foster parents are needed everywhere. (Remember, you don’t have to be perfect, just available!) Consider whether you and your husband are willing to take on the challenge of providing a loving home for a needy child. "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress." (James 1:27 NIV)

5. You can seek appropriate and effective medical care. Study and learn as much as you can about the medical causes and treatments of infertility. Also, seek alternative treatments that are in line with your Christian values.

I challenge you to put any two of these five steps into practice immediately. Will you?

Incidentally, did you know that November 6, 2011 is Orphan Sunday? For information about Christian adoption, visit Cry of the Orphan
(a collaboration between Focus on the Family, FamilyLife, and Show Hope).

This post is linked at Julie's Blog Hop, Marriage Mondays at Come Have Peace




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Photos: pantagrapher, JoelAbroad, artcrimes (Flickr)



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