A. The Desire to Be a Skilled Helpmate
Marriage is designed to be a three-way relationship, with ever-increasing levels of love and respect between Jesus Christ, a man and his wife.
A Christian Wife’s Role
A mature Christian wife has learned to give up her independent, controlling ways. No longer fearful, but full of faith, she is trusting and receptive. Confident that she is His Beloved and the apple of His eye, her primary need to be cared for is met. With hope, she submits (or surrenders) to her husband’s loving lead. Without any hesitation, she follows him into the bedroom, cheers his efforts in the workplace, and on the battlefields of life. She remembers to ask for his emotional support when she needs it, knowing he is not a mind-reader. She chooses to offer her respect and trust unconditionally, and not as a reward for how well she is loved and provided for by him.
Grown up "little girls" treat their husbands like invincible father-figures who always perform courageously and without error. However, the mature adult Christian woman understands that her husband needs to be encouraged in his masculinity – he needs her applause and appreciation. When he fails her, she offers her forgiveness. In this way, a wife helps her husband to love and protect her. She becomes his helpmate in the truest sense of the word.
A Christian Husband’s Role
A mature Christian husband has learned to give up his insecure, selfish ways. No longer fearful, but full of faith, he is giving and active. Confident that he is wholly forgiven and accepted by Jesus, his need to feel completely adequate is met. With hope, he boldly leads his wife and without any hesitation, makes plenty of time for conversation and affection. He chooses to freely offer all of his gifts of love unconditionally – with no strings attached – and not in response to his wife’s attitudes of submission, respect, or trust.
Grown up "little boys" treat their wives like all-powerful mother-figures who must be pleased and obeyed at all times. The mature adult Christian man understands that his wife is actually the weaker, more vulnerable gender. He knows that underneath, she is a tender sapling in need of his nurture and strong protection. When he fails her, he empathizes with her feelings and asks for her forgiveness. He becomes a husbandman to his wife in the truest sense of the word.
"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Genesis 2:18 ESV)
This post is linked at Julie's blog Come Have Peace for her fine blog hop, Marriage Mondays.
Photos: Swiv (Flickr)
Up Next—Interview with Author Susan Miller (Just Moved Ministries)
Much more could be said about a couple's need for differing brands of support.
What would you add?
4 Comments:
Going through "hard times" together really matures a couple. I can see how we've "grown up" a lot...and how much of a better match it makes us. You can "know" a lot of this...but until you are forced to put it into practice you won't really get it!
Bobbi: So very true! And life gives us plenty of opportunities to practice over and over again. Even after 30 years, I'm still practicing.... ღ
So true - submitting in a God-ordained relationship is not giving up; when done correctly on both sides - it is becoming more! And trusting - in God and your husband - living that trust! Awesome post e-Mom!
http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/the-power-of-one-the-secret-ingredient-to-a-successful-marriage/
Hello my sweet Blue Cotton Memory!
Amen to this: "submitting in a God-ordained relationship is not giving up."
Trusting that God is our ultimate Source is incredibly empowering. The process of improving our marriage can begin with us. We don't have to wait for our husbands change, mature, "sit under good teaching," read the Bible, or somehow "get the message."
Why? The beauty of giving respect, trust, and submission is that there's a reciprocal effect. When we practice these things, our husbands are then strengthened. Soon, they naturally begin to give us the very things that we crave: love, protection, and financial support.
(BTW, the reverse is also true. When a marriage needs improving, a husband can initiate the process by giving his wife love, protection and support. In time, she will naturally begin to respect, trust, and submit to him again.)
Ultimately, as you said, "when done correctly on both sides - it is becoming more!"
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