Three Miracle Parenting Tools

How to Get Your Kids to Do Just About Anything!

1. Create a Checklist

Check, check, check. Checklists. Most busy Moms wouldn’t survive without them! Checklists lay out our game plan, and reward us with the satisfaction of marking off each task as it's completed. Most often, I need a tangible return too—like a chocolate Rolo, an extra-foamy green tea latte,
or a new book.

Early in our marriage, my husband was in computer software sales. Every month, he had a hefty sales quota to meet. In addition to commissions, his company provided travel incentives to motivate and reward the highest achievers.

One year, e-Dad competed hard to achieve the top sales position in his office. And he won! He brought home a brand new set of luggage, and tickets for an all-expenses paid trip for two to Cancun, Mexico. Sweet!


2. Reward Good Behavior Immediately

All children are wired for achievement too. They will perform very well when the rewards are meaningful and immediate. Some parents have no problem giving their children an allowance. For every task completed, a penny can go into their piggy bank to teach savings strategies.

However, money isn’t the only way to acknowledge your child’s efforts. Small treats like candy or cookies will work too, but they might seem like an unhealthy "bribe." With a little creative thinking, you can devise something that suits your family's values best.

Whatever reward system you use, laying out clear steps toward achieving the goal is essential. Giving age appropriate rewards as soon as the task is completed will take you a long way toward establishing regular habits like teeth brushing, picking up clothes, and displaying table manners.


3. Minimize Rewards to Eliminate Obnoxious Behaviors

Eliminating obnoxious behaviors like whining, sloppiness, and laziness can be accomplished by minimizing your rewards. For instance, if an infant is immediately picked up or rocked each time he cries, he may quickly observe the relationship between tears and your attention.

Psychologist Dr. James Dobson describes an alternative, “I have stood at the doorway of my daughter’s nursery for four or five minutes, awaiting a momentary lull in her crying before going to her crib. By so doing, I reinforce the pauses rather than the emotional intensity… Obviously, a parent must exercise self-discipline and patience to ensure that the reinforcement which takes place is positive, not negative in results.”

Sample Checklist

Focus on the Family has published a sample checklist of chores that can be accomplished by any child using this method. You can alter this list to suit the age of your kids and the skills you want them to learn. This is list quoted from their booklet, The Miracle Parenting Tools.

1. I brushed my teeth without being told
2. I straightened my room before bedtime
3. I picked up my clothes without being told
4. I fed the fish without being told
5. I emptied the trash without being told
6. I minded Mommy today
7. I minded Daddy today
8. I said my prayers tonight
9. I was kind to little brother Billy today
10. I took my vitamin pill
11. I said “thank you” and “please” today
12. I went to bed last night without complaining
13. I gave clean water to the dog today
14. I washed my hands and came to the table when called

Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person [believer] according to what they have done. (Rev 22:12 NIV)

Related

• Susannah Wesley's 16 Rules
• How to Create the Obedience Habit in Children
• For fellowship and inspiration, consider joining the weekly
Carnival of Homeschooling.

Photos: joshbousel1, madhava, K's glimpses (Flickr)





Up Next—Book Review: God Speaks Your Love Language
by Gary Chapman

What other tips have you used to motivate
your kids?