Relationships: Now We're Talking!

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
(Luke 11:9-10 NIV)

Enjoy the fellowship and encouragement found on Women in the Word Wednesdays at Good Morning Girls and iFellowship at Seeds of Faith (Wednesdays). Also, discover a celebration of Christian creativity on Word-Filled-Wednesdays at The Internet Cafe.


Reflection: The Art of Asking Questions

Let’s say it’s a Friday night during the holidays. You and your teens
(or tweens) are hanging out. You’re all feeling pretty relaxed, and the talk is starting to flow. Maybe you’ve been trying to figure out how to take your family interactions to a deeper level.

Did you know you can take deepen your conversations by asking some great pre-planned questions? You can write them down beforehand, and pull them out of your mental hat as good opportunities arise. (For example, driving in the car together is golden.)

Keep the following pointers in mind before you dive in.

● Begin in the shallow end of the pool and then wade deeper.
● Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”
● Ask for your child’s opinion about something. Few of us can resist the opportunity to pontificate!
● Then move on to feeling questions e.g. “How did you feel about xyz…” instead of “What did you think about xyz…”
● Be specific about your questions e.g. “What made you feel successful today?” instead of “How was your day?”
● Make use of the “pregnant pause.” Don’t be afraid to wait a few minutes in silence while your child thinks through his/her response.
● Avoid asking “why?” questions. They can quickly move your conversation from a feeling level to a defensive thinking level.

15 Great Questions to Ask Your Kids

No longer in print, I’ve used a book called Now We’re Talking! for couples by Robert and Pamela Crosby. (Most recent version is called Conversation Starters For Couples). These books offes suggested questions in various categories including Favorites, Fun, Fond Memories, Family, Friends, Feelings, Finances, Failures, Fears, the Future, and Faith.

You can use these as prompts to make up your own questions. Or you can get The Ungame (a classic board game where everyone wins) and play it with your family. I noticed that DaySpring also offers sets of boxed cards called Conversation Starters for Teens, Families, Girlfriends, and Every Day.

To get you started, here are fifteen questions from The Ungame, “the world's most popular communication game.” They can be used with people of
any age. We love it!

1. What three things are most important in your life?

2. What would you like to be remembered for after you die?

3. Describe a happy family.

4. What activity do you engage in that involves all of you: your mind, body, and soul?

5. Give three words to describe how you feel right now.

6. In what ways do you act like a child?

7. Share a time when your feelings were hurt.

8. Thinking back, what can you identify as a turning point in your life?

9. What do you want to be doing in ten years.

10. Complete the statement: “One thing I missed during my childhood was…”

11. Complete the statement: “A new world opened up to me when…”

12. Share one of the happiest days of your life.

13. If you were told you only had one week to live—how would you spend it?

14. What makes you sad?

15. Share something that you fear.

Related Articles

• 10 Conversations Starters for Your Christmas Event
  
• 10 Tension-Busting Strategies to Improve Your Conversations About Sex

Photos: Nwardez & NongbriFamilyPix (Flickr)


Up Next—Humor: A Christian Eulogy

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