Spiritual Growth: The H.A.L.T! Principle

Learning to Hit Pause When the Tension is Mounting

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue . . .” (Proverbs 18:21)

It's undeniable. Instinctively, we understand the power of the tongue to build up or tear down. Scripture teaches that words are like seeds. Truth sown in love will produce a harvest of life. Lies sown with hatred produces a harvest of injury—and sometimes even leads to death.

Unfortunately, it’s easy to misuse our speaking ability, the precious faculty that sets us apart from the rest of creation. We’re all guilty of unintentionally crushing a loved one’s spirit.

Have you heard of the “H.A.L.T!” principle? I first read about it in the Big Book published by Alcoholics Anonymous. A friend had just joined, and I wanted to get up to speed on the organization and the disease. Among other things, AA members are taught to reach out to a live human being when they are emotionally spent—instead reaching for the bottle.

An Effective Marriage Technique

I wish I had known about this principle in relation to my tongue as a young wife! I’m sure it would have saved our marriage from countless misunderstandings. Here’s how it works. Restrain your words (i.e. close yo’ mouth) and delay conversations when you are …

H – Hungry
A – Angry
L – Lonely
T – Tired

Listen to Kimberly Wagner’s thoughts about H.A.L.T. at the True Woman blog: “This works for all relationships, but as an example, you may be tempted to unload the frustrations of your day on your husband as soon as he walks in from a long day at work ...

Push pause.

Although you may be bursting at the seams to vent, be sensitive to the fact that your man may be tired. He may have faced many challenges through the course of his day, as well. Grant him time and grace to relax, refuel, and recharge, before entering a conversation which will require much energy.”

Kimberly adds that this principle is not for “sweeping things under the rug” or for avoiding challenging conversations. She uses it as a protective delaying device at those times when a heavy conversation has the potential to lead to conflict or emotional meltdowns.

Jesus is Our Example

When the pressure is mounting and you’re tempted to spew a torrent of words, pray for the power to H.A.L.T! In that split-second gap of time, imagine what it would be like if you were the two listening ears on the other side of your conversation. Let's remember Christ who, “…committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously" (1 Pet 2:22-23).

Related

• "Becoming a Talk Target" by Joyfull at Joyfull Living
  (Tips for making people comfortable in conversation.)


• HOT Communication Tools: Fresh Ideas for Christian Wives
  by e-Mom at Chrysalis

Photos: antiguadailyphoto (Flickr)

Coming Soon—Family Life: "Bringing Up Girls" & "Girls Gone Wise."
Two New Books for Discerning Parents

Do you use this principle in your relationships? Would you share a recent success story?