My parents were both raised in Protestant churches, and believed in a general set of Judeo-Christian ethics. After they were married, they joined a liberal denominational church where my father became an elder. Along with my siblings, I attended Sunday school for many years, and we were exposed to a good number of Bible stories. However, if a clear salvation message was preached from the pulpit, I didn’t hear it. (See Rom 10:9)
In my teens, I personalized what I had learned about the Bible at a Christian youth camp. My parents were divorcing right about that time, and my (now deceased) mother ended up embracing a smorgasbord of occultist New Age teachings. My father is still living, still visits with his former pastor, and still espouses liberal Christian values. He’s as kind as can be, but is he a true believer according to Rom 10:9? Only God knows. I pray he is.
In my teens, I personalized what I had learned about the Bible at a Christian youth camp. My parents were divorcing right about that time, and my (now deceased) mother ended up embracing a smorgasbord of occultist New Age teachings. My father is still living, still visits with his former pastor, and still espouses liberal Christian values. He’s as kind as can be, but is he a true believer according to Rom 10:9? Only God knows. I pray he is.
…they wondered why we would insist on Christian school for our children, and have no Santa Claus or bunnies at Christmas and Easter.
(We do have fun, really!)
Neither of my husband’s parents are believers. His father died before we were married and his mother (still living) is a disinterested agnostic. Perhaps then, you can imagine some of the spiritual conflicts we’ve experienced with our parents over the years. For example, they wondered why we would insist on Christian school for our children, and have no Santa Claus or Easter bunnies. (We do have fun, really!)
Our parents have never quite known what to do with a daughter/daughter-in-law and son/son-in-law who are on fire for the Lord. Our decision to keep me home as a SAH/WAH Mom is a real “head-scratcher” for e-Dad’s mother. She worked full-time outside the home all of her adult life while attempting to raise five boys. And blogging? About faith? Hard to explain that one, isn’t it?!
Our parents have never quite known what to do with a daughter/daughter-in-law and son/son-in-law who are on fire for the Lord. Our decision to keep me home as a SAH/WAH Mom is a real “head-scratcher” for e-Dad’s mother. She worked full-time outside the home all of her adult life while attempting to raise five boys. And blogging? About faith? Hard to explain that one, isn’t it?!
Our parents have never quite known what to do with a daughter/daughter-in-law and son/son-in-law who are on fire for the Lord.
Early on, my own mother called me a “Bible thumper” and remarked that somehow I “got religion”—as if only the naïve or uneducated believed such things. Recently, after I completed my theology certificate program, half-jokingly my father asked if he should call me “pastor.” (Naturally, I said No. It’s easy to misunderstand the Scriptural freedoms and limitations given to women in ministry. See 1 Tim 2:12.)
Our Marriages Model Christ & the Church
Every Christian married couple is called to model the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church before a lost and dying world (Eph 5:31-32). But there lies our challenge. In the first century, the infant church was dispersed beyond Jerusalem because of persecution, and it grew in leaps and bounds. The same is true in our personal lives. The upside is that the more adversity we face, the stronger our faith becomes.
To their credit, many times our parents have called upon my husband to give thanks at holiday meals. And they respect our lay evangelism efforts overseas in Russia and Poland. But do they understand it? I don’t think so. And we really don’t expect them to. We try to accept them for who they are, verbally witnessing for Christ wherever possible.
So is the wisdom of our elders welcome in our marriage? Yes, of course, but in small doses.
Our Marriages Model Christ & the Church
Every Christian married couple is called to model the relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church before a lost and dying world (Eph 5:31-32). But there lies our challenge. In the first century, the infant church was dispersed beyond Jerusalem because of persecution, and it grew in leaps and bounds. The same is true in our personal lives. The upside is that the more adversity we face, the stronger our faith becomes.
To their credit, many times our parents have called upon my husband to give thanks at holiday meals. And they respect our lay evangelism efforts overseas in Russia and Poland. But do they understand it? I don’t think so. And we really don’t expect them to. We try to accept them for who they are, verbally witnessing for Christ wherever possible.
So is the wisdom of our elders welcome in our marriage? Yes, of course, but in small doses.
Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. (Mark 10:29 ESV)
Related: 1. "What Makes a Marriage Christian?" 2. How to contribute to the monthly Marriage Monday meme at Chrysalis.
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Up Next—Bible Study: The Thorn as a Theme in Scripture
As a couple, do you have conflicts with your parents over spiritual issues?
Photo: ad writer (Flickr)
Up Next—Bible Study: The Thorn as a Theme in Scripture
As a couple, do you have conflicts with your parents over spiritual issues?
13 Comments:
Oh yes, we do have some conflicts. My parents do believe, but refuse to attend church - they just don't see it as important. My husband and I see church attendance as being intrinsic to our faith.
My parents and in-laws are Christians, but what I would call "comfortable" Christians. Lee and I do things they think are crazy. My MIL cried when we told her we weren't doing Santa. And adopting from Africa is well beyond comfortable! We just continue to be patient and grace-filled when we answer questions like, "You know raising a black boy in a white family will be hard, right?" Hmmm... has the Christian life up to this point been easy? :)
Praying for all those who will read your words today and share their family's story.
My parents weren't believers when I was growing up, but they weren't antagonistic. Some of my mom's advice was well-meaning but unusable -- sometimes I'd explain why we did things differently, sometimes I'd let it pass. It was more of a problem with cousins when my kids got old enough to interact.
My husband's mother was a fervent believer but his dad was away from the Lord for years and could be quite antagonistic of Christian practices in general.
We didn't live near either set of parents, which probably helped a lot -- we didn't come across everyday clashes that we might have if we lived close by.
I feel the same as you mentioned in the last post -- that we respect them as people even if we can't always respect what they do and say.
I was concerned about some of the negative things in their lives affecting my children (languages, TV choices, etc.) but overall the Lord gave grace. If we were visiting and they watched something we found objectionable, we'd quietly take the kids to another room to play games.
Yes we have had some in the past. Like our decision to NOT let our children read the Harry Potter books or do Halloween....they have NOT missed out...we always emphasize books/events that are good, whether secular or Christian, that don't embrace witchcraft....and we are now getting some flack from the inlaws about why in the world we would encourage our 17 yr old to be looking at Christian colleges....but...WE are the parents...we respect them but don't let them ruin the boundaries we have put in place for our own children :)
HI e-Mom,
This is an excellent post and I related and have navigated some of the exact things you did. In fact, this weekend our family is traveling to our in-laws. Always interesting.
Thanks for your great message and for Marriage Monday. Love you much.
We have had so many conflicts with both of our parents, that I chose to write about my Grandparents instead. We are estranged on both sides, it is quite sad for us and our children. Setting up boundaries is never easy.
Great post, E-mom!
Even if you have believing parents, which we both have, doesn't mean they will agree with your convictions.
To protect our children we had to make stands that separated us from our believing parents at different times...not easy, because we want to believe that all believers will stand for biblical truth, but when it comes to a love one sometimes the heart seems to take control over the word of God and conflict occurs.
Good post, Enjoyed,
In my post i mentioned i( we) are in the middle of an process in our relationship with our in-laws...
In a way i am "estranged" from my parents a long the years......1st as protection for myself to stay emotionaly in balance and be an good mum and wife......But lately i do more steps in connecting again especially through email......
God willing we can visit eachother the coming year for some weeks Especially for my kids this is important....I have such good memories with my grandparents that it pains me sometimes they are deprived from that on both sides......
Sharing pictures phone calls and emails are not the "real thing" but we have no choice....
Enjoyed your post e-mom and saw also some similarities in backgrounds....
Greetings
bernice
My folks are definitely Charismatic Christians. We still have problems with them because if we don't act like they do they worry we are no longer saved. My in laws are new age. We have had many run ins with both and thankfully our children talk to us lots about all things spiritual so are already clearly able to see when Grandma and Grandpa need to be prayed for.
It was interesting reading about your parents. They must have done something right to produce such a woman of faith as you!
I have mentioned my father's unbelief to you before, although interestingly he was very keen for a church service at his funeral. I have wondered if something was going on inside him during his final illness.
My mother is a sort of closet Christian. She has never been baptised or confirmed but little things give away her interest. (It's similar with my dh.) I don't feel she interferes in any way with my beliefs. BTW my "agnostic" parents sent me to a fee paying Church of England school.
Dearest Marriage Monday sisters. If you included your email address in your comment, I've responded that way. Otherwise, my remarks are below.
April: So nice to know that your parents are believers!
Sandra: Watch for my email reponse!
Barbara H: We didn't live near either set of parents, which probably helped a lot -- we didn't come across everyday clashes that we might have if we lived close by. That's been true for us too. And you were smart to "vote with your feet" and move into another room for games, when necessary.
Faith: As always, I enjoyed our email discussion.
Lynn: I hope your visit with your in-laws is a huge success. Thanks again for being the catalyst for some of the content of this post. Love you!
Tonya: Hard stuff. I do hope you can renew your relationships with both sides of the family.
Janette: I've enjoyed our email exchanges!
Bernice: God willing we can visit eachother the coming year for some weeks Especially for my kids this is important....I have such good memories with my grandparents that it pains me sometimes they are deprived from that on both sides...... Yes, if only for your children's sake, I hope you can work this out soon. Thanks again for joining us for Marriage Monday. Do come again!
Mac an Rothaich: My email response is on its way to you!
Buffy: Wonderful that you were raised in "private" Christian school (AME). That's called "public" school in Britain, right? (BRE) Children are like sponges, and it's best to introduce them to Christ as early as possible, like you were.
It was an independent school. Public schools tend to be the big boarding schools like Eton or Rugby. Don't ask me to explain why! My school was lovely because it opened the door but didn't shove you through, so there was no resentment. But you always had the right foundation, which is so important.
OK Buffy! Thanks for explaining the difference. I enjoy exploring the subtelties in vocabulary between BRE and AME.
Yes, I agree. The right foundation is very important. ღ
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