Forewarned is Forearmed
from TroubledWith.com
Like these two cuddly tigers, married couples have the potential to love each other, or to tear each other to pieces. This list is intended to act as an early warning system. As wives, we’re better off knowing the risks to our relationship before our problems escalate into a crisis.
1. Over commitment and physical exhaustion. Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are then surprised when their marriage falls apart...
[See Workaholism & Divorce]
2. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent. Pay cash for consumable items, or don't buy. Don't spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby-sitters, etc. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.
[See Dave Ramsey on Your Marriage & Your Money]
3. Interference from in-laws. If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant, and close proximity is built for trouble.
4. Space invaders. I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident.
5. Alcohol or substance abuse. These are killers, not only of marriages, but also of people. Avoid them like the plague.
6. Pornography, gambling and other addictions. It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. More…
7. Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem and the greener grass of infidelity. A deadly combination!
[See Affair-Proof Your Marriage.]
8. Business failure. It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family. [See Help! I Married an Entrepreneur]
9. Business success. It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (30:8).
10. Getting married too young. Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.
This excerpt is quoted from the article, "Twelve Marriage Killers" by James Dobson C. Ph.D.
[See Dave Ramsey on Your Marriage & Your Money]
3. Interference from in-laws. If either the husband or wife has not been fully emancipated from the parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant, and close proximity is built for trouble.
4. Space invaders. I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem, which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident.
5. Alcohol or substance abuse. These are killers, not only of marriages, but also of people. Avoid them like the plague.
6. Pornography, gambling and other addictions. It should be obvious to everyone that the human personality is flawed. It has a tendency to get hooked on destructive behaviors, especially early in life. During an introductory stage, people think they can play with enticements such as pornography or gambling and not get hurt. More…
7. Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem and the greener grass of infidelity. A deadly combination!
[See Affair-Proof Your Marriage.]
8. Business failure. It does bad things to men, especially. Their agitation over financial reverses sometimes sublimates to anger within the family. [See Help! I Married an Entrepreneur]
9. Business success. It is almost as risky to succeed wildly as it is to fail miserably in business. The writer of Proverbs said, “Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread” (30:8).
10. Getting married too young. Girls who marry between 14 and 17 years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at 18 or 19 years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are 1.5 times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their 20s. The pressures of adolescence and the stresses of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second.
This excerpt is quoted from the article, "Twelve Marriage Killers" by James Dobson C. Ph.D.
If you’re marriage is currently in trouble, I urge you to seek the help of a pastor or qualified Christian marriage professional.
Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory. (Prov 11:14 NIV)
Up Next—Spiritual Growth: My Personal Testimony of God's Guidance
What would you add to this list?
What would you add to this list?
9 Comments:
I was two months shy of my 20th birthday when we got married, and there are times I've thought we should have waited. BUT, we've made it through some difficult times (including his job loss early in our marriage) because we've hung on to God -- and because we've had great examples of marriages in our parents and grandparents. If we divorce, they'll kill us. ;)
GREAT list, e-Mom. I appreciate your commitment to offering practical help for marriage. I would add lack of communication to this list. We can't read each other's minds, yet often I've expected my husband to do just that.
Thanks for your important work, friend.
This is really good stuff....I love it. Good info. Happy WFW
Great list! This list is much like the "little foxes" mentioned in Song of Solomon.
A very good list.
I would add, don't keep secrets and keep the lines of communication open. Women are enough of a mystery to men without not giving them some verbal clues as to what's going on.
Also as a woman don't expect your man to be a mind reader, how many women say "he should have known" when they feel their man let them down?
And don't expect him to replicate automatically what you expect from a good husband. Understand he has to learn how be one, he's not born like that.
There is much wisdom in this article. I'm going to link it on my Bold & Free Facebook page. Thanks so much for sharing.
I think I would at an unhealthy attachment to friends. What I mean by that is always doing things with your friends and not your spouse. Does that make sense?
Really good...says this almost married 30 years, and married at 19...wow! have I bet the odds. I was also the oldest and married the baby of the family...it worked!
I love the one on business failure...so true we have recently been through that...no fun.
Enjoyed, helpful...just great!!!
Janette
interesting about the marriage stats.. i got married at 19!
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