10 Tension-Busting Strategies to Improve
Your Conversations About Sex
Written by e-Mom. Share on Twitter or FB. Subscribe in a Reader
Your Conversations About Sex
Written by e-Mom. Share on Twitter or FB. Subscribe in a Reader
1. Open the conversation by reading that master love poem, “Song of Solomon” out loud together. Discuss ancient biblical romance and sex, and then direct the conversation to your own relationship.
2. Develop private code words and phrases that make you more comfortable bringing up the subject of sex. e.g. One couple we know paves the way into the bedroom with the phrase, “Would you like to go sailing?”
3. Don’t take your love-making so seriously all the time. Tasteful teasing and private jokes create a special intimacy between the two of you, and puts men at ease.
4. Slang, swear words, and “talking dirty” are a turn-off for most wives. Set the example in your marriage by using proper medical terms when discussing male and female physiology.
5. Ask your husband for his opinion on any aspect of male sexuality. Then share your perspective from a female point of view.
6. Woman like to be complimented on their appearance, because compliments fuel desire. You don’t have to wait for your husband to notice. Ask him how you look in a certain outfit—and then be sure to thank him.
7. As a couple, set aside 30 minutes after dinner just for catching up. Encourage your husband to share just the facts, while you make an effort to share how you felt about your day. Explain how your sexual desire for your husband increases when you feel understood by him.
8. As a couple, pencil in sex on your weekly calendar, and then practice following through. (Write “sox” if you have prying little eyes around.) When your husband knows exactly when your love making is coming, he’s more likely to make the effort to warm your heart by engaging you in conversation beforehand.
9. If your husband has low sexual desire, try to view it the context of his current life’s circumstances. Is he jobless? Is he angry about something? Discuss what might be causing stress in his life before you question your attractiveness or suspect a pornography addiction.
• Why Sex Matters to Women by Chrysalis
• Please join us at Chrysalis for Marriage Monday the first Monday of every month. May’s Mister Linky is here.
Or you can join Lauren for her Tuesday marriage meme,
To Love Their Husbands.
Coming Up—Getting HOT: Why Women Need Loving Conversation First
What would you add to this list?
10. Suggest praying together to ask God to help you resolve any problems in your sexual relationship. If your husband is shy or unwilling, offer up a few words in his presence. Then let God do the rest.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband... Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. (1 Cor 7:3, 5 NIV)
Related
• Why Sex Matters to Women by Chrysalis
• Please join us at Chrysalis for Marriage Monday the first Monday of every month. May’s Mister Linky is here.
Or you can join Lauren for her Tuesday marriage meme,
To Love Their Husbands.
Photos: BenHeine & JRU Photography(Flickr)
Coming Up—Getting HOT: Why Women Need Loving Conversation First
What would you add to this list? 
11 Comments:
For me the biggest help has been considering him when bringing up matters. Just like you suggest planning sexual encounters, I think it's just as important to plan when to TALK about sex. He needs time to decide how he feels about a particular issue and when I jump into a discussion (having thought about it for weeks, probably), expecting answers from him right away, it's unfair.
Thanks for being a gracious host yet again, e-Mom.
I like the list. #2 made me laugh because every once in a while we talk about playing "bingo". It's amazing to me how much more comfortable we both are now talking about our sex life. I love the intimacy we have when discussing it, and we do laugh alot!
Dave and I love to laugh. One of the ways he shows affection is to tease me. I agree about the seriousness aspect, some of our best memories (life in general) are from those times when we were goofy! Communication is SO important because if you can read one another, your feelings are less likely to get hurt because no one wants to be rejected.
Connie
This has always been an open subject within our marriage, so much so in fact, that I'm surprised when I talk to women who act ashamed to discuss sex with their own husbands! God never intended us to be embarrassed with our spouses, of that I am sure.
Great, great suggestions. The season I'm in, #7 is so meaningful to me. It's so busy, it's important for us to be Tom and Julie, not mom and dad or employee and writer, etc...we need to reengage in conversation.
Number 2 is a lot of fun, I recommend that for everyone. Code words are great. Ours is (blush) "purple". As in, "Hhhm, I'm feeling purple." I have a friend who's code is "frog" but I've never had the courage to ask why.
I find slang nasty in this area and thankfully my guy respects that. We learned to get straight to the heart of stuff and that is a relief because little hints and such where not getting decoded properly so HONESTY is so important)
I like all your tips. I would say, they all work well for us. I am very glad I and hubby are very open to each other about sex.
My post is up even if it's a bit late. I'm quite busy but I don't want to miss this very interesting meme.
these are great tips! Thanks for sharing :) I think it would be wonderful for you to link this post to my meme today -- thanks so much for asking and for wanting to! :)
Great list! I'm sure it could help many! My husband and I are VERY open about everything in our relationship---especially sex. We are each other's first and only and the inexperience and uncertainty in the beginning was an amazing help because it threw the door open and we have been able to talk openly without hesitation ever since. When I talk to other women that won't talk about sex with their spouses, it amazes me. Doesn't sex itself make you more vulnerable than just talking about it?
These are great tips. It's good to see open dialog about this. It's funny how when it wasn't permissable it was the hot topic, but when we get saved its taboo. Its great to finally be free! I like the code words!
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