Working With Your Differences
Even number-nerds and financial free-spirits can work together toward a successful financial future.
by Dave Ramsey
Men and Women–Nerds and Free Spirits
It has been established that men and women have different financial and communication styles. Add to that the fact that opposites attract. Now we have room for conflict everywhere.
In a marriage one spouse is usually more creative and spontaneous than the other. That mate is a little—or even a lot—less organized and tends to see budgeting as a form of torture or control. I call this mate a Free Spirit. The other mate likely has more administrative skills and more of a bent towards numbers; this mate also tends to shoulder responsibility for the budget. Deep inside him or her is a Nerd. A Nerd has the capacity to create a 17-page perfect budget and present it to the family like a gloating dictator. The Free Spirit will smile—and then spend money however he or she wants to. And the budget wars are on.
How Can This Work?
Nerd, you should be the one to prepare the budget, because that's what we Nerds love to do. Next, submit it to the budget committee, meaning you and your spouse.
When you submit the budget (a.k.a. your masterpiece), remember to be quiet and listen. Your Free-Spirit spouse will not come to any more meetings if all you do is tell him or her what to do. The first draft of the budget is your chance to have your "say." After that, sit back and listen. Accept the fact that your mate has valid input. Remember, you are doing this to coax your spouse into better money management and financial unity—and believe me, your concessions are a small price to pay for unity.
The budget committee needs to have rules. First, keep the meeting brief. It's a budget committee meeting, not a Camp David accord. Nerds like me to love to look at all possible scenarios and projections. However, when the objective is agreement with your Free-Spirit spouse, you have about a 17-minute window of opportunity before he or she tunes out. Oh, you may see a physical body still sitting across the table from you, but his or her mind will have moved on to non-Nerd, non-budgetary activities.
Nerd, your three rules for the budget committee meeting are…
Read the rest of this great article, “Working With Your Differences” published by Focus on the Family.
Focus on the Family Newsletters
This timely article arrived in my email inbox earlier this week. From relationship advice to movie reviews, Focus on the Family has a variety of e-mail newsletters to help Christian families. And it’s all free. Interested? You can sign up here.
Important Related Articles
by UVa‘s National Marriage Project with The Institute for American Values
1. The Smart Money: She Saves, He Spends
2. Bank on it: Thrifty Couples are the Happiest
3. The Great Recession’s Silver Lining?
Elsewhere: Visit Sheila at To Love Honor & Vacuum for her terrific marriage meme, Wifey Wednesday
Photos: Rennings, _mubblegum_, & mtsofan
Coming Up—AVATAR: Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down?
Care to share your experience?
4 Comments:
Both of us are not free spirits and not quite nerds. We both are numbers people. About 6 years ago, Steve set up a wonderful spreadsheet, that is like the envelope system. Neither of us feel restricted by it, but feel freedom within those boundaries. It's funny though, there are months where he is uptight and I am "It will be fine", then the next month I'll be uptight and he'll be "It will be fine". We round each other out. Very seldom are we both uptight about money at the same time.
My blog may be free spirit, my email may be free spirit, but I'm a nerd.LOL
This is soooo my husband and I. He is very budget oriented and I am less so. Makes things interesting sometimes.
A Stone Gatherer: You two are a good balance for each other. My guess is that you share similar spiritual gifts. e-Dad and I are similar to you two, although we both learn more strongly toward words than numbers. But he's willing to take bigger financial risks than I am.
Thanks for commenting!
(((Hugs)))
Angela: You're especially blessed then. You must have more than one spiritual gift operating in your life. My DH and I are the same way. We can both do numbers, but we both favor words a little more.
Smiles, e-Mom :~D
April: It's good you recognize who is stronger with math and budgeting. :~D
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