Relationships: Prayer in Marriage

Every Day is Thanksgiving Day
Written by e-Mom. Follow me on Twitter. Subscribe in a Reader

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Phil 4:6)

Loquatious Ladies

It’s no secret that women are more verbal than men. Thanks to our chattiness, we’re on the receiving end of numerous bad jokes. Here’s one: You’ve heard of the telephone? What do you do when you want to get the word out really fast? Tel-a-woman. Groan.

It’s not surprising that we’re drawn to prayer—a verbal activity—much more than our husbands. Men by and large, would rather do than speak. For them, life is about financial success, competition, and conquest. We women on the other hand, love to get together in groups to share needs and pray. For us, life is all about love and expressing feelings.

The Strong Silent Type

Obviously, I’m making some very broad generalizations about gender to make a point here. Yes, there are men who verbalize a lot. (One prime example is e-Dad… happy me.) But when the stress is mounting, I’ve noticed that my dear husband defaults to his non-verbal masculine nature. Meanwhile, I’m inclined to ratchet up the conversation a few notches in frequency and volume. It takes strong effort on my part to maintain a "gentle and quiet spirit" when the key man in my life has suddenly fallen silent.

Another reason men don’t pray with their wives regularly is because they don’t like admitting their vulnerability. Few men relish the idea of climbing down from their white stallion to play the fallen hero. Most husbands need to feel very secure about their wife’s respect before they’ll open up and admit their needs.

Saying Grace, Offering Thanks

In our marriage, e-Dad likes to pray at meal times. At dinner, we hold hands around the table and he takes a few minutes to thank God for his provision. Even when we’re in restaurants (or cruising through a drive-thru) he loves to express a few words of gratitude. Vitally aware of our material needs, this seems like an appropriate kind of prayer for a hard-working man.

e-Dad’s diligence about giving thanks has taught me an important lesson about his own personal needs. He may not be consciously aware of it, but his respectful “attitude of gratitude” toward God, models the general attitude of appreciation that he would like to see in me. I try to remember to thank my husband personally for his efforts to provide for our family as often as I can.

Prayer for Global Concerns

If he’s particularly troubled by a global situation (Haiti’s tragedy, for example) e-Dad will spontaneously suggest we pray out loud together. Like many men, his interests are focussed on the larger world outside our home.

Beyond that, our prayers are very private and a part of our individual devotions. Since my spiritual temperament inclines me toward Bible study more than intercessory prayer, I’m fine with that. Normally, I don’t feel the need to press e-Dad for more prayer time together.

Prayer in the Afterglow

If you're frustrated by the infrequency of shared prayer in your marriage—and many women are—why don’t you suggest praying right after sex? There’s a strong chance that in those special moments, your man will be feeling trusted, accepted, and quite open to sharing his spiritual feelings with you and with God.

Related

1. What’s Your God Language? Connecting with God through Your Unique Spiritual Temperament by Myra Perrine. Forward by Gary Thomas.

2. For more Marriage Monday posts on this topic, please scroll up or click here.

Photos: Plutor, ConorKeller & Stitch (Flickr)

What about you? How does prayer enhance your marriage?