And Cohabitation is a Bad Idea
Did you know that cohabiting couples now make up almost 10% of all opposite-sex U.S. couples, married and unmarried? According to Dr. Albert Mohler,
“The U.S. Census Bureau has just reported that cohabitation among heterosexual couples has hit record numbers as living together—as opposed to getting married—becomes more and more mainstream.”Says Mohler, “Just thirty years ago cohabitation was rare and marriage was the norm for heterosexual couples. All that has seemingly changed.”
Dr. Mohler continues, “USA Today provides extensive reporting on this issue, along with analysis that seems to celebrate this development.”
“Nevertheless,” says Mohler, “the other side of the story was downplayed. If cohabitating couples make up ‘almost 10%’ of heterosexual couples, then marriage is still very much the norm.”
Quotes from “Part of the Life Course? Cohabitation in Contemporary America.”
How is Marriage Defined Biblically?
Mohler’s observation is important and encouraging. Marriage is still very much the norm, yet even Christians can be confused by society’s trend toward cohabitation. Recently, Kim at Scattered Stones posed the question "How is Marriage Defined?" For instance, does a couple’s private commitment to each other constitute a marriage?
Intended to shed the light of Truth on this issue (not to judge or condemn) my answer is as follows...
25 Reasons Why Marriage is the Right Choice and Cohabitation is a Bad Idea
1. Marriage is which is an honorable state, instituted by God in the time of man's innocence prior to the Fall.2. Marriage is about human happiness, holiness, and wholeness—and it is also about bringing glory to God.
3. Marriage is a deeply Christian institution. It is a necessary metaphor that signifies a "mystical union" between Christ and the Church.
4. Marriage as an institution was affirmed by Jesus when he performed his first miracle at a wedding in Cana.
5. Marriage is a public verbal commitment to each other
for life. (In OT times, it was a couple's engagement that was public and binding.)
6. Marriage stands opposed to our modern divorce culture which explains away sacred promises as temporary statements of emotional disposition.
7. Marriage provides a husband with a wife to help him deal with life’s inevitable ups and downs—through prosperity and poverty, sickness and health.
8. Marriage provides sociable companionship for a husband and wife throughout their lives.
9. Marriage was intended to be a blood covenant between two virgins, a male and a female.
10. Married couples promise sexual faithfulness to each other.
11. Marriage understands the connection between sexual intimacy and the potential for offspring.
12. Marriage gives couples the freedom to receive children joyfully as God-given gifts.
13. Marriage provides material provision and emotional security for mothers and their children when fathers fulfill their role as bread-winner.
14. Marriage is counter-cultural, and Christian couples must stand firmly against the tide of public opinion rife with sexual immorality and confusion.
15. Married couples who have lived together before their marriage have weaker marriages.
16. Statistically, the chances of a divorce after living together are much higher than for couples who have not lived together prior to marriage.
17. Couples who cohabit will never know what married life is really like until they are married.
18. The commitment of living together is like a month-to-month rental agreement. (As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.)
19. Couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement.
20. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease—so to speak.
21. Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement.
22. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing called marriage for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.
23. Those who have lived together develop habits that work only when they're not married. Marriage ruins it all, and they end up divorcing.
24. Scripturally, couples who are having sex outside of marriage are in sin. The Bible calls them fornicators (unmarried) or adulterers (married to someone else).
25. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
I'm indebted to CBMW's article, "Marriage and the Glory of God" and Dr. Willard Harley's article, "Living Together Before Marriage" for the information above.
Related
• "The Case for Early Marriage" by CT. "Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot."
• "Church Combats Cohabitation with Free Weddings" by FamilyLife's blog, CultureWatch. A new ministry for a new era!
Photos: wonderlane, StudioNouveau (Flickr) More photos from this very cute wedding shot by StudioNouveau.
Up Next—In the Spotlight: Owl Haven's Mary Ostyn
What do you think? Should a cohabiting couple be allowed to minister officially in the church? Why or why not?
6 Comments:
Well I think you already know my answer! Thanks so much for writing this article. I've so waited for it to come and happily sat down with my cup of coffee to read it. Can't wait to see what your other readers say!
Excellent article! I posted my original answer on A Stone Gatherer's blog, and since it was very long - I will sum it up.
No, absolutely not. Marriage is a sacred institution created by God. If a couple wishes to minister within a church, they must submit themselves to the guidelines that God has set out for us.
Very interesting post! I think that a co-habitating couple should not be allowed to minister in the church. The calling of God is a serious thing, and you have a responsibility to follow God's Word in your lifestyle--no minister is going to be perfect, but some things are very easy to get fixed!!
AWESOME post. No, if it is a Bible believing church a cohabitating couple should not be allowed as leaders....they SHOULD be offered counseling.....
Kim: Thanks for sparking this post... good food for thought all around. :~D
April: I read your thoughts over at Kim's blog, thanks. I agree with you wholeheartedly!
Tracie: I like this: --no minister is going to be perfect, but some things are very easy to get fixed!! Weddings do cost a little money, but they're obviously well worth it. :~D
Faith: Indeed, you're SO right: cohabitating couple should not be allowed as leaders....they SHOULD be offered counseling.....
I definitely agree with marriage!
Having said that I think that what makes a true marriage is not the wedding day but the years spent growing together, supporting each other through thick and thin, being faithful, working through difficulties etc. IMHO a couple who don't bother to get married but who do all this are more husband and wife that a couple who spend a fortune on the "big day" only to be unfaithful to each other within a couple of years because they're too busy living their own selfish individual lives.
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