Marriage: "Bathtub Wisdom"

Girl Talk: Mothers & Daughters Talk About Love
Written by e-Mom. Follow me on Twitter

Don’t you love being a woman? I do. And I’m convinced that every woman loves her bath. When I was a little girl, I loved watching my mother fill up the tub. She would tear off the top of a small package of bubble bath, and then pour a cascade of soap powder directly under the open faucet. Magically, mountains of fragrant foam began to form. Then the two of us would slip under the soapy bubbles for a warm, relaxing soak.

When my daughter was old enough to join me in the bathtub, we mimicked the same routine. Sometimes, I allowed Paula to bring along her favorite water toys—she especially loved her nesting cups, a double waterwheel, a plastic tug, and a yellow plastic duck. As Paula grew older and taller, she would slide up the side and perch herself on the bathtub’s edge. From there, she entertained me with clever pantomime sketches that she made up on the spot.

When Paula became a teen, Friday nights evolved into “spa night” in our family bathroom. When she wasn’t out socializing with her friends, Paula began to join me beside the tub for a mother-daughter chat.

When Paula became a teen, Friday nights evolved into “spa night” in our family bathroom. If she wasn’t out socializing with her friends, Paula would join me in beside the tub for a mother-daughter chat. I’d smear fresh papaya enzyme peel on my face, shake a few drops of lavender oil into the steaming bath and then slide under. Paula would politely knock on the door, roll up her jeans, and then dangle her bare toes into the fragrant water.

Over time, I noticed that Friday nights became the best time to talk with Paula about her life and her relationships. I tried to listen quietly as she randomly moved from topic to topic. Eventually, deeper, more troubled thoughts emerged from her subconscious mind. Sometimes she wept, and finally she would let out two or three big, heavy sighs. I discovered those big sighs were an important signal. They were my cue that Paula was at a transition point, and ready to receive some motherly advice. Paula affectionately began to refer to my Friday night counsel as “bathtub wisdom.”

Sometimes she wept, and finally she would let out two or three big, heavy sighs. I discovered those big sighs were an important signal. They were my cue that Paula was at a transition point, and ready to receive some motherly advice.

If you’ve followed Chrysalis for a while, in effect, you’ve been eves-dropping on all of our conversations. The things I share here on Marriage Mondays are a pretty good sampling of the kind of “bathtub wisdom” I shared with my teen daughter. So, to add another perspective, I thought you might be interested to hear a few thoughts from Paula’s side of the equation.

By the way, Paula was snagged by a wonderful guy in college, and last summer they were married on the Hawaiian island of Oahu. They’re currently living on the opposite side of the country and miles away from us (ouch!) so we conducted this “interview” by email. Paula graduated in oceanography, and our son-in-love is an officer with the United States NOAA Corps.

Q. Did you dream about meeting “Prince Charming” as a little girl?

A. I didn't really spend that much time day dreaming about it. I did vaguely imagine that he would be tall, dark & handsome, wear some kind of uniform and be strong and playful. Just about everything my husband is, minus the dark! Instead of dreaming, I dated a range of guys and experienced what they were like. As I am fond of saying, my husband is a mix of all the best qualities they contained. I once determined that my future husband didn't need to love boats and sailing, but God was kind enough to give me someone who does!

Q. As you’ve observed my marriage to Dad, what would you most like to emulate?

A. Making time to build the relationship—date nights, talking times, going for drives etc. I remember that nearly every night you'd stay up late just talking. Sometimes you'd be having such a good time that I would come out and ask you to be quiet so that I could go to sleep!

Q. Name three pieces of helpful marriage advice that you received from me.

1. A.S.K. for what you need.

2. Men like to be fixers and solve problems. Let them know that you need them just to listen, and generally they will.

3. Men hear things differently than women do—use the vocabulary they best respond to.

Q. Has your MIL offered any insights about meeting the needs of your new husband?

Since my FIL is a retired Navy officer, the information I've gleaned from her mostly deals with being a wife to a man in his profession.

Q. What are you learning about marriage in your young couples’ group at church?

1. Treat your spouse respectfully.

2. Ways to resolve conflict. (Worksheet is available. Leave your request it in the comments.)

3. Other life applications from Scripture.

We are also learning a lot from observing the couples in the class who have been married longer than we have. It has been really encouraging to see other couples who have a husband in the service who have large thriving families and a strong faith. It has also been neat to see and watch them parent their children and get a feel for what to expect.

Q. Do you have any parting wisdom to share?

A. "Praise in public, polish in private"—Grace Baptist Church's Associate Pastor's Wife

Excellent thoughts! Thanks for joining us at Chrysalis today, my sweet Paula. We love you and we miss you a ton! Since you love cooking so much, as a thank you, I'm sending your favorite vintage apron, "Retro Cherries" from my new online store, Susannah's Aprons. See you and Justin at Christmas time.

Parenting all boys? Please share what
you've taught them about marriage in the comments.

Photos: DennisWong (Flickr), e-Mom, Red Bird Photography

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