Marriage: 6 Ways to Spell Respect

Why Men Understand C.H.A.I.R.S

Remember the childhood game of musical chairs? Several chairs were arranged in a circle, the music began, and everyone one ran around until the music stopped. With one fewer seats than players, the object was to scramble to an empty seat before someone else got there. If you were the player left standing you were “out.” One chair was pulled from the circle, and the game was repeated until two people vied for the last chair.

While marriage is not a game, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs has devised C.H.A.I.R.S as an appropriate acronym to describe the connection husbands long for with their wives. Marriage expert and author of Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate’s Language Eggerichs says, “In a word, the husband sees himself as one who ‘chairs’ the relationship. To help the wife remember that she is to Respect her husband by acknowledging how God has created him… here are six principles in C.H.A.I.R.S, with the scriptural basis for each one.

C – Conquest

Because God made man to work (see Gen 2:15), the respectful wife is called to appreciate his desire to do a good job and achieve in his field of endeavor. She does this by thanking him for his efforts and letting him know she is behind him (see Gen 2:18).

H – Hierarchy

Because Scripture states the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is head of the church, the respectful wife is called to submit to her husband by appreciating his desire to protect and provide for her and the family, thanking him for his efforts (see Eph 5:22-25).

A – Authority

Because Scripture makes the husband responsible for loving and caring for his wife, she is called to respect his authority, not being contentious and combative, but appreciating his desire to serve and lead her and the family as she supports, and never undermines, his position
(see Ephesians 5:25-33; Proverbs 21:9).

I – Insight

Because Scripture indicates that a woman can be tricked by cunning voices of the culture and let astray by carnal desires and intuitions
(1 Timothy 2:14; 2 Corinthians 11:3), the respectful wife is called to appreciate her husband’s desire to analyze and counsel, always listening carefully to what he has to say to guard or guide her. If she disagrees with his ideas, she differs with him respectfully.

R – Relationship

Because Scripture teaches that a wife should phileo her husband (love him as a friend [see Titus 2:4]), the respectful wife is called to appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder companionship, realizing that she is her husband’s friend as well as his lover (see Song of Solomon 5:16).

S – Sexuality

Because she understands that her husband needs her sexually, the respectful wife does not deprive him, but appreciates his desire for sexual intimacy, know that sex is symbolic of his deeper need for respect (see Proverbs 5:19; 1 Corinthians 7:5; Song of Solomon 4:1-15).


C.O.U.P.L.E: 6 Ways Men Can Love Their Wives

In Cracking the Communication Code, Dr. Eggerichs also covers six essentials for energizing and motivating wives. They include (C) closeness, (O) openness,
(U) understanding, (P) peacemaking, (L) loyalty, and
(E) esteem.

If you’re interested in discovering more insights on both of these acronyms, I highly recommend you get this book. The author also reveals how couples can break destructive communication patterns that lead to what he calls,
The Crazy Cycle. “Unconditional respect is as powerful to him as unconditional love is to her.”





Related Posts

1. Six Fundamentals of Love & Respect

2. Respect in Marriage: The Air We Breathe

3. YouTube Video: Self-Control in Marriage

4. Dr. Eggerichs' Blog: Love & Respect Reflects


Does C.H.A.I.R.S make sense to you?


Photos: Larsz & ThomasHawk (Flickr)

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