Few contemporary women have escaped the painful fallout of divorce in the life of someone they hold dear. It’s quite likely that divorce has affected a close friend of yours, your parents, or even your own life. Statistically, approximately 25 percent of adults have hired a lawyer to draw up divorce papers.
Is Divorce Ever Right for Christians?
Most of us know the Scriptures pertaining to divorce. Both the Old and New Testaments address the issue with strength and clarity. Except for unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage are not permitted for believing couples.
Is Divorce Ever Right for Christians?
Most of us know the Scriptures pertaining to divorce. Both the Old and New Testaments address the issue with strength and clarity. Except for unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage are not permitted for believing couples.
Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
"I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. (For the context see Mal 2:13-15)
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (For the context, see Matt 19:3-9. See also Matt
5:31-32)
The Malachi passage reveals that God considers divorce a violent act. Besides creating personal emotional injury, it is likely to bring severe injury to the couples’ children, and may result in their lifelong unbelief.
Jesus’ words make it clear that divorce is allowable for adultery, but divorce is not required in situations where a spouse has been unfaithful. He points out that is was only because of hardness of heart that Moses allowed for lawful divorce and remarriage.
God Divorced Israel for Her Unfaithfulness
Like the careful discipline of a good parent, God’s OT judgments were always intended to be redemptive. Despite repeated warnings through the prophets, the ten tribes of the northern kingdom of Israel continued in their abominable idolatrous practices. Ultimately, because they refused to repent, God issued a certificate of divorce to Israel for her unfaithfulness. (See Hos 2:1-13 and Jer 3:8-20)For an indepth look at Scripture, don’t miss this very thorough article, "Divorce and Remarriage. Does God Permit It?" by Pastor Jim Feeney, PhD. Subjects like receiving cleansing from past sin especially prior to conversion are covered.
Forgiveness is the Key to Avoiding Divorce
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every from of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. (Eph 4:31-32 NIV)
For wives initiating divorce in our culture today, it usually begins in the heart—with unresolved anger due to neglect. Christian counselors say there are two kinds of anger: expressed anger and suppressed anger.
Expressed anger is the powerful emotion fuelling hatred, temper, yelling, controlling, violence, pride, back biting, illnesses, high blood pressure, judgmentalism, and more.
Suppressed anger is the emotion lurking behind fears, headaches, depression, suicidal thoughts, self-pity, unworthiness, inferiority, worry, anxiety, alcoholism, eating disorders, and more. (See Gal 5:19-23)
True forgiveness is very difficult because it always involves grief and mourning. When we acknowledge that an offense has hurt us, with the help of a supportive friend or minister, we can choose to suffer and feel the hurt. As we make the choice to allow those painful emotions to wash over us, we release the offense and experience forgiveness. (See Matt 5:4)
We are then able to bear the fruit of the spirit, including love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, humility, wisdom, contentment, caring, a love of God’s Word, prayerfulness, cheerfulness, strong faith, hopefulness and much more. (See Gal 5:22-23)
What About Abuse?
Marriage experts say that an abused marriage partner should immediately seek a separation for protection and professional counseling.
Christianity: Second Chances & New Beginnings
Most of us would agree that marriage can be challenging. The wonder of the Christian walk is that the Spirit of God can work miracles in and through us. Where there is ugliness, God can bring beauty. In pain and suffering, He can restore joy. When we choose to forgive those who have done wrong in their marriage—whether it’s our spouse, a parent, or a friend—we are modeling the forgiving and loving heart of God and bringing new life to a broken world. (See Luke 23:34)
Related
1. See 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 for the apostle Paul’s instructions concerning divorce and remarriage in the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Notice Paul's concern for children.
2. Elizabeth Marquardt, Christian author of Between Two Worlds, has announced the release of a documentary film on the spiritual lives of children of divorce.
3. For more thoughts on forgiveness visit, "Personal Growth:
The Forgiving Self"
Want this button?
Welcome to Marriage Monday
The Marriage Monday meme meets here at Chrysalis the first Monday of every month. Similar to a group writing project or blog Carnival, contributors post their thoughts on an agreed-upon topic, and then add their permalink to Mister Linky.
By majority vote, our today’s topic is "Is Divorce Ever Right?" Here's an opportunity to share your wisdom, Scriptural knowledge, experience, quotes, or other insights. Please feel free to approach this vital subject from any angle you feel led. Since the idea is to promote some vigorous thought and discussion, all points of view are welcome and encouraged.
If you are new to Chrysalis, please jump in! My name is
e-Mom, and I’m pleased to be your hostess for Marriage Monday today.
Next Month’s Topic
We will meet here again for Marriage Monday on April 7, 2008. Our topic will be "Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?"
Up Next—Arts & Culture: Amazing Painted Hands
Photo Credits: dhphotography, Brad J Ward, Sunblush (Flickr)
Enjoy this article? Stumble It!
30 Comments:
Forgiveness is so essential to a good marriage... and to everyday relationships!
Well said, e-mom! I believe that having a heart after GOD'S is the key. We PROMISE to love our spouse "for better or worse" but when the "worse" comes around so many bail out. (BELIEVE ME, I've had the same thoughts MANY times in the first 14 years of what used to be our own bad marriage)
PRAISE GOD, HE still "makes all things new." After MANY years of prayer I FINALLY have the hubby I always DREAMED of... HOPEFULLY, he can say the same thing about me. O:-)
Thanks for hosting and for your honest post. (I almost avoided this one.. hehe) =-)
Thanks for focusing on the forgiveness aspect E-mom!! This topic was so hard for me to write about. I'm a child of divorce. But, I think these messages we Christian women write need to be out there for the world to see.
Thanks for hosting this and picking this painful but necessary topic.
Great post. Difficult topic, but one we need to talk about. Bless you.
I so appreciate your post this month! We need to see divorce clearly in scripture and be willing to talk with our dear ones about this truth when they are struggling. The fine line I struggle with is speaking truth in forgiveness! Those who have divorced (at least those that I am close to) don't want to here that God hates divorce. I so want to give advice, love and forgiveness to them. Knowing I have my own issues and I am no different. I can't wait to see what others say!
Great article e-mom!
Have a blessed day.
Much love,
Angela
Just wanted to let you know that I won't be participating this month - I have been sick and did not have a chance to get around to writing for this month. I am so sorry - but, look forward to participating in April!
Ohhh E-mom,
I'm sorry I couldn't be a part of Marriage Monday this month. I'm still so busy trying to get my heart and home organized, I didn't have time to prepare.
I'll be back next month,
Lori
Great post. Forgiveness and seeking reconciliation is always best.
Thanks~
Sheila
Hi E-mom,
As always I so enjoy reading your posts. This was just incredible.
I love the way you dealt with this difficult topic and offered a solution. I appreciate the time and thought that went into this.
Forgiveness is so vital in every aspect of our lives, and it doesn't get tested any greater, then in our marriage.
So blessed to know you! Have a great Marriage Monday!
Thanks for a very insightful post. It is hard to speak to a topic I know might make people feel I am judging them. My own brother is twice divorced. But scripture is clear on the subject, even though it might be uncomfortable for some to hear it.
I was brought up Catholic and am very well aware after 13 years of private catholic school what Christians belive in in terms of divorce. I've also always had the feeling that when it came to god and us, there were not absolutes. I mean isn't that the point? Isn't that why we were given free will and we were are created differently, if you believe in that sort of thing. I work for www.firstwivesworld.com, it is an online community for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter and I have to say I love my job. I love that I am a part of something greater than myself and that I am contributing, however minimally, to the health and well being of others. Marriage is not easy and does require work I understand that, but when it comes down to it, I think that being miserable for the sake of sustaining your marriage is a waste of the gift of life that we have been given. I am so very proud to be helping these women, and we really are. Check out the website and read some of our blogs and comments, it is very moving.
www.firstwivesworld.com
Just my two cents
Ann Marie
a touchy subject for many of us who have known others or ourselves who have gone through it. None the less it needs to talked about and God's truth shed on it!
Great job with this, emom!
Forgiveness is so important in marriage...and continually working on things when the disagreements and frustrations come up from time to time.
I didn't participate this time, but look forward to reading some of the others!
Blessings,
~Tammy
As a divorced woman (I divorced at age 21) I can tell you I believe that YES - God hates it -- not his plan. And, I can also tell you - that even though divorce should be avoided at all costs and forgivenss and reconciliation should be the goal --- I still know first hand that God does not turn His back on those who suffer through it and chose that route.
Can't wait to read all of these posts. I could not join you this month. Too much on my plate at Laced With Grace. I will read the participants and note them when a reader I know needs this info.
Love you e-Mom. You are a blessing.
The greatest peace ever in my adult life was when my husband divorced me. The greatest joy in my life is the last six years with my second husband. Who has given hope for a healthy marriage to two children who are not his own. My two adult children have spent the last six years with the testament of a Godly husband and wife. My son (age 20) told us over Christmas that we have truly given hope that marriages can work and be fun, healthy, and hard too. God's plans do not stop if plan "A" did not work. I had great pain in my first marriage, and strange as that sounds was very committed to it working, but my first husband had a different agenda and I am greatful for that.
Excellent post! Thanks for sharing.
lol, oh dear, that's is what happens when we blog late at night --- wrong links get posted, at least by me!!! Thanks for posting the right link. I've been away again but plan to catch up reading other blogs tomorrow.
Thanks again e-Mom!
Oh, e-Mom, I found this month's topic SO tough. I nearly bailed, but thought it too important to skip. I struggled for days wondering how to proclaim truth, yet maintain compassion and nonjudgment for those who have suffered through divorce. I didn't want to give trite answers to very difficult situations and minimize the pain of another. Yet I couldn't ignore clear mandates in scripture. This was a hard exercise for me. Thanks for your leadership and graciousness in your own post to help us navigate a sensitive subject.
I've been reading some of the posts on this difficult topic, and people are doing an excellent job. Thanks for hosting this. Forgiveness is crucial. And if we'd all stop being so #@!% SELFISH and SELF-ABSORBED, there would so many more happy marriages. :-)
Thanks for approaching a difficult subject in kind words.
Recently, I received a letter from a misguided woman calling me an adulteress according to Mark 10 and signed the letter “in love.”
She explained she could no longer associate with me because I am an adulterer in sexual immorality because my former husband is alive. It hurts. I’ve received similar emails for over ten years and it still hurts. Some people just don’t understand that I received a full pardon because of Christ’s sacrifice. (I received a Biblical divorce. A lack of basic Bible hermeneutics is the reason for the faulty Scripture interpretation and consequential judgmental attitude.)
At first each stone throwing incident was painful to me personally. But now they cause me to grieve for the body of Christ, for all the broken souls in need of love that are receiving condemnation.
How is it we forget Christ came not to condemn, but to save sinners?
Divorce is horrible and should always be the very last resort. But God does permt dovorce becasue of our sinful nature.
Chistians that are divorced are forgiven. Not becasue of anything they can do but because of what Christ sacrificed.
See my post at
http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/kindness-is-a-language-2/
Connie Marie: Amen! I'll remove your original link in a few days. Since you were so timely and at the ahead of the list, I'll leave it for now. :~D
Tonya: Anyone who has been married for any length of time knows what it feels like to want to "bail out." Praise God you hung in there! (We've been married nearly 30 years.)
Robyn: Thanks for sharing your heart and experience from the point of view of a child of divorce. Yes, this was a difficult topic for everyone, myself included. :~D
Mipa: Thanks for contributing!
A Stone Gatherer: God hates divorce, because divorce is so painful for all involved. As one contributor said, "divorce is like war... there are many casualties." I believe we need to counsel against unbiblical motivations before a divorce, and offer forgiveness after a divorce. I hope that's helpful. :~D
Angela: Thanks. Blessings!
Kelly: Thanks for checking in. I hope you feel better soon.
Lori: Not a problem! You get that house organized. :~D
Sheila: Agreed. Wise words.
Susan: Blessed to know you too Susan! Thanks for your encouraging words. :~D
Tara: You have a unique voice and a unique message. Thanks for taking the time to comment and share. We all need to learn from one another's experiences. :~D
Lynn: Thanks for stopping by. I'll be over to LWG on Wed! Love you!
Elizabeth: Thanks for sharing your experiences. And nice to meet you.
Kysha: Blessings to you, my friend.
Jana: It's a tough subject, for sure. Especially since we all know one or more divorced people personally. Thanks for your support!
Ann Marie: Thanks for stopping by. Nice to meet you.
Amydeanne: You did a magnificent job with your post.
Tammy: Thanks for checking in. Yes, Christ's message of forgiveness is so straighforward... but often it's so difficult to implement. :~D
TamiB: Your post was superb. Thanks again for thinking so hard about this challenging topic--and deciding to contribute. :~D
Jennifer: Amen! Thanks for your support.
Heart of Wisdom: I'm very sorry for your pain, and the misunderstanding of Scripture that leads to judgmental attitudes. Your testimony is one reason why we are tackling this difficult topic today. I pray for peace and healing in your life. :~D
emom...i really really wanted to link in to this post. even though i am not sure what my words would have formed -- i felt i had something to add to the discussion. as i have felt the sting and the pain and the devestation that this horror brings to a heart.
but warfare i have experienced just tryng to get my post out has been nothing short of brutal. maybe one day soon i can get that post together.....i hope so cuz i think that i might have something to share. love you!
I found you through Tami @ Next Step. You have a Great Ministry going on here. I will be back. God Bless You & Your words.
As a Christian woman and mom who was broken by divorce, it is easy for me to see why God would NOT condone divorce. There really is no such thing as a friendly divorce, and it is a tragedy for any children involved. However, I must PRAISE THE LORD for forgiveness and the ability to remarry the most wonderful CHRISTIAN man. I embrace the mistakes I've made and I continue to learn from them. And I have to be honest, I am so glad to say that I have been able to make a much wiser decision to marry this time!
Roo: Oh Roo, I'm sorry you're really going through a bad time. I really look forward to your post, whenever you're able to write it. Love ya!
Mzzterry: So nice to meet you. I be over to visit you soon. :~D
Ceci: I'm glad you've found forgiveness and renewal after so terrible a life experience. Thanks for sharing here today. :~D
Wonderfully in depth and well thought out post. We just celebrated our 25th, and there were at least 3 times that we could have been divorced, if not for our commitment and God's grace.
It saddens me that the Christian divorce rate is nearly the same as the secular one.
Thank you so much for hosting MM. I pray that someone reading these posts will renew their marriage commitments and cling to each other as they cling to The Rock.
Jan: Again, congratulations on 25 years together. Your marriage is a true testimony of faith and love.
It saddens me that the Christian divorce rate is nearly the same as the secular one. Amen. This is tragic.
Blessings my friend. :~D
Good...more confirmation...in fact actual words that God has given me...thanks so much!!!
Redemptive purposes...that is my prayer over this situation!
Post a Comment